Love and Loyalty (N.J.)

Snap!

2011-01-31T13:58:00.000+08:00

Another night in Shiva. :) And Wal Dilkington's birthday!

The Super Trips 2010

2010-10-03T08:20:00.004+08:00

Not much time right now, so I'll keep it short.

I've been rushing here, there, everywhere for 3 weeks now.
Shanghai - Frankfurt,
Essen, Dusseldorf,
Rome, Montefalco, Foligno, Assisi, Trevi, Spello, Firenze,
Amsterdam, Brussels & Paris.
Frankfurt - Bangkok,
Taipei, and now in Los Angeles..
ALL of those in 3 weeks.

I feel so... weak.

Anyhow, great places yet I'm not as happy as how I thought I would be - taking long holidays, enjoying each city... etc.
Instead, I feel so utterly... lost.
I don't know where home is anymore. Not that I have known one before either.
I think my sense of belongings hasn't yet been created. It's not in the past.
I cannot wait till the day I can truly call a place 'home'...

... and so I keep dreaming. Someday.

PS. Mom looks younger than the last time I met her (Jan'10), how did she keep doing that?!?!

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"Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go." - T.S. Eliot

Edith Piaf-No Regrets

2010-07-04T21:20:00.000+08:00

LOVE EDITH PIAF!

*No! No regrets
No! I will have no regrets
All the things
That went wrong
For at last I have learned to be strong

Back to Earth

2010-01-27T03:54:00.006+08:00

Talk about the shortest relationship you ever had?

'Relationship' as in 'passionately in love' not just physically or I-kinda-like-you.

I've learned today that it is POSSIBLE that someone you spent 9 months or 2 years with everyday can actually 'know' you less than someone who gave you full attention and genuine interests everyday for 5 days.

I've also learned, again, that love doesn't need to be tried to achieve. It manifests and grows in its own way but it doesn't have to be the way that I think it should be.

And once I've realized that, I feel happy and, dare I say, complete (in a way).

I appreciate the experience and I know, for sure, that this feeling will always be here with me, even over time and distance, even over different, difficult, awkward, possible future situations.

It does not and probably will not be a happy ending like how we see relationship should be. It certainly not an average kind of love and experience.

But I've learned SO MUCH these 5 days I just cannot put them into words here right now.

Now that I'm back 'on Earth' again, I still feel overwhelmed but yet, fulfilled in a way, at the same time, hollow - like something is missing in me but I know I didn't lose it.

I guess I'm gonna take sometime to get back to the reality again. Things are just simply not the same anymore. They are tolerable for now that I learned to believe in the signs, destiny, fate, faith and hope again. I think I have enough energy to fight (and win) the next few more rounds now. :)

I also learned that if the path you're on is full of 'signs', not only that you should believe in them, you should also follow them.

Oh yes, I'm on a hunt. ;)

Happy another new year :)

2010-01-21T19:46:00.002+08:00

It seems like a good start of the year for me. 2010 will be better than 2009!

Traveling plan this year:

JAN11 - back to Shanghai from California :(:(

JAN28to31 - Dubai

FEB10 - back home Bangkok

FEB14 - Phuket :)

FEB21 - Shanghai :(

FEB25 - Macau

FEB26 - Hong Kong

FEB28 - Shanghai :(

MAR19toARP4 - Japan!

JUN21toJUL11 - Ibiza!!

JUL12toSEP20 - New York!

SEP21toOCT2 - California!

OCT3 - Shanghai :(

DEC17toJAN9 - South Africa!

*more details coming up.. might have some changes and adding more destinations :)

oh yes, I can't wait. Give me give me 2010!

-----------------------------------------

“Fear holds us and binds us and keeps us from growing. It kills a small piece of us each day. It holds us to what we know and keeps us from what’s possible, and it is our worst enemy. Fear doesn’t announce itself; it’s disguised, and it’s subtle. It’s choosing the safe course; most of us feel we have “rational” reasons to avoid taking risks. The brave man is not the one without fear, but the one who does what he must despite being afraid. To succeed, you must be willing to risk total failure; you must learn this. Then you will succeed.” - Bernard Shaw

RELATIONSHIPs

2009-02-25T23:33:00.003+08:00

I had a dream one night and I woke up with a new realization, you know, the little breakthough kinda thoughts.

I saw my own patterns in all my relationships with men.
Guess what .. they're all related to just one person - my father.

Noone is perfect and I learnt to accept that fact way too long ago, so there oughtta be something in my parents that I don't like about. It doesn't mean that I'm a bad person or that I'm an ungreatful daughter. I love them both with all my heart no matter what.

Anyway, I realised that unconsciously I choose to like or dislike any man I met by comparing them to the things I like or dislike about my father.
For instance, say, if he's too full of himself, telling me about how his business is like, how much money he earns, etc., I won't ever gonna talk to him again no matter how good looking he is.
However, say, if I feel that he's strong, not afraid of getting into trouble when necessary, sweet talking and kind-hearted, I'm already attracted.

The thing about the relationship between me and my dad is that we never really had one.
We have blood relation alright and of course, he loves me and I love him, but RELATIONSHIP as in a real 'relationship', nahhh never.

See I remember that when I was younger, I used to dream of a happy family just like in the drawing - a lovely house, a car, a father and a mother holding a daughter's hands on each side, smiling wide.
But it was never quite like that.

My dad was, and still is, a real fighter. He fights for everything he wants and he gets them.
For that, I'm proud of him.

But at the same time, it makes him a really busy man. He's always always busy with work, or socialising, or some other fuck-knows-what.
We lived under the same roof but I only got to see him on weekends.

And it bothers me a lot 'cos at that time, my parents are all I've got, all I thought about all day.
I got frightened when they're not around. I needed them to hold my hands when we walked together, I wanted a lot of hugs and kisses all the time, I wanted to feel cared and loved and pampered.
But since I lived with my dad then, those things never happened.

And it's totally alright. No bad damage done. I can still grow up to be a decent person, so far.

I used to believe and hope that may be, just may be, he was going to come back home early tonight and kiss me goodnight every night. I could do it everyday 'cos I told myself that may be he did that but I was asleep first.

Well, see, and one day the problem came when I suddenly realised that I was just being stupid.
I was disappointed and hurt and upset and I hated him for prioritizing money before loving and caring for me (and I hated him more afterwards when I felt that he used his love for me as an excuse to justify himself for never having time for me). I was terrified and scared and troubled and, I don't know, confused may be.

So I got myself busy.
I joined all activities available in school - piano, karate, dancing, basketball, singing, etc. I studied hard and spent lotsa time with homework. I went to school 2hours early everyday.

Just like that.
After a long while, I got over it. I accepted that it is a way of life.
I got used to not spending time with him. I got used to not speaking to him about anything unless it's important enough to be mentioned. I got used to not sharing my happiness or sorrow or ideas or thoughts or anything at all with him.
And I was doing just fine.

As I grew up, we don't live together anymore, and so we talked more.
But I had nothing to say to him. I could listen but I'm quite sure he didn't know what to talk to me about too.
We stick to basic topics like weather, health, relatives, work, and of cos, money.

Don't get me wrong, I love him with all my heart and I was also aware that he loves me with all his heart too.
We just don't know how to work on our relationship becos we have never even tried to have one.

Now, my point is that what happening to me right now is very similar to the abovementioned situation. I was scared and troubled, but no longer.

I see myself now in the getting-myself-busy stage.
And THIS realization FUCKING TERRIFIES me even more right now.
Becos I know what's gonna happen next.

I don't want to give up my believe and hope on us.
I still want to believe that we are special, that we can still be crazily in love just like how we used to be when we just met for as long as we want to, or even more.
I don't want to just another getting-used-to-each-other relationship. I know it's not us. We can do much more, that is if we believe in it together.

I don't want to wait for years before we can be happy. I want to be happy with you NOW and every moment.

It doesn't have to be a fancy dinner or a nightout or anything at all.
It's all already in our heads - you can just turn to look at me for 5 seconds and I'll just know when I look at your eyes that I'm loved and cared, just like before.

It's just these little things that I feel like you can't be bothered much with, becos now that you know I'm right beside you, your priority shifted to something else.

The thing is I believe that we can have other priorities and at the same time, be in love.
I really mean 'in love'.

You don't have to choose between love and work. I know time is limited but it doesn't take much for the love part, does it?

It just takes a belief, a little efforts and love.

My Kinda Quotes

2009-02-03T14:43:00.004+08:00

Found some quotes that inspires me:

"We can do no great things, only small things with great love." - Mother Teresa

"Strength doesn't come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will."

"What difference does it make to the dead, the orphans and the homeless, whether the mad destruction is wrought under the name of totalitarianism or the holy name of liberty or democracy?"

"Be the change you want to see in the world"

"When I despair, I remember that all through history the ways of truth and love have always won. There have been tyrants, and murderers, and for a time they can seem invincible, but in the end they always fall. Think of it - always."

"You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty."

"Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony."

- Mahatma Gandhi

"Happiness is multipied when divided." - Paulo Coelho

Lastly, QUOTE of the day:

"Nothing is said that has not been said before." - Terence

CICATRIZ '09 collection

2009-01-28T23:10:00.001+08:00

CICATRIZ '09 collection, originally uploaded by nanylva.

:) Design for coming collection of Cicatriz. (next season)
Will update when the production is done.

xx love,
Nan

Crystals Shoes

2009-01-28T14:39:00.005+08:00

IMG_3252 M, originally uploaded by nanylva.

Photographer: Vahn Wan
Make-up, dress and shoes: Be Me Styling & Concept

Such a glam pair!
I wanted to nick it at the shoot but I figured that it won't go unnoticed with its pricetag. :(

Anyways, you can find this lovely pair of Crystals heels at Be Me Styling & Concept.
Address: 5F #359 Kang Ding Road (near Shanxi Bei Road)
Tel: (021) 5228 6255

I WANNA DESIGN MY OWN SHOES NOW NOW NOW!

Love,
Nan

♥Quote of the day: I shall pass through this world but once. Any good therefore that I can do or any kindness that I can show to any human being, let me do it now. Let me not defer or neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again. - Mahatma Gandhi

Fashion Designing

2009-01-26T22:39:00.003+08:00

HAPPY CNY. whatever.

I didn't write any updates on this blog for so goddamn long so I'm not gonna start on how shitty CNY in Shanghai (or may be the whole China) is, with all the fucking fireworks and all.

Anyways, not gonna be updating much, again.
and that's just becos I ain't have anything new to update about really.

I'm not getting married anytime soon so you guys (you know who you are) can stop asking me that question.

New year resolution? - BE A NERD.
Believe me I AM FUCKING TRYING.
SO.. I'm gonna get myself busy busy with school projects and shit. ;)

YES YOU HEARD ME RIGHT! hahhaa. NAN is now very interested in school work!
I just wanna graduate. Get it done and over with. :(

Love & miss ya'll.

Nan

**Sweetie: I know you've been very busy and tired with work lately and I also know that I havn't been much of help either. :( I'm sorry. Just know that I'm actually trying to make you smile and laugh (although I know sometimes I'm such a pain in the ass).
You are the best person I've ever known sweetie and I believe that whatever efforts you're putting in right now will be all worthwhile when the time comes.
*Thank you. Thank you for working so hard to make our family future possible.
Love.

QUOTE OF THE DAY: Love just is. No definitions. It just is. - The Witch of Portobello by Paulo Coelho

People's Alliance for Democracy (PAD)

2008-12-03T01:56:00.003+08:00

Well yeah I know I havn't been updating and all.
But you should know me better - since when have I been good with this blogging kinda thing?
Anyways, since I'm a THAI CITIZEN, I thought this is a time I should post my opinions about the PAD protests against the (fucked up) government.
------------------------------------

First thing first, READ THIS:

Source: Manager News
On November 26, a young woman, dressed in a yellow shirt, was seen walking around the PAD rally site at Suvarnabhumi Airport, distributing a message in English to help clarify the PAD rally.

This is to clarify the situation here in Thailand as I believe the foreign press have formed the conclusion that the PAD has little chance of winning this final battle to topple the Nominee Government of Somchai Wongsawat, the brother-in-law of former PM Thaksin Shinawatra.

Before I say anything else, I'd like to stress here the the PAD's policy is to use ONLY peaceful means and we have proved our intention by using only reasons for the last six months. However, the continuous and nearly daily violence and murderous acts committed against us have come from either the Government, or its representatives, the red-shirted United Frong of Democracy against Dictatorship, which are trying everything in their power to pave the way for the return of Thaksin Shinawatra to become the first President of Thailand.

The aim of the PAD is to rebuild a country based on integrity, honesty, freedom from corruption and fairness from all Thais: all this together with the absolute determination to maintain and honour the Monarchy. We have the most wonderful and exceptional King who has reigned over his people with wisdom and love as the rest of the world is well aware.

Practically the whole of Thailand from all walks of life has converged onto Bangkok to support the PAD. We are not being paid to be here to use violence to get our way. We are not here to support a handful of corrupt politicians serving only one man who wants to divide our country. But we are here by choice, we are here to share an ideal, we are here to realize our goal which is to rebuild our country into a better place for the 60-odd million citizens. It's actually not a question of "winning or losing" -- it's the reality of achieving what is good and right for our country -- Thailand.
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So, the world is going on and on about violence and disruptions that the 'anti-government people who called themselves People's Alliance for Democracy (PAD)' have caused.
And the PAD is the only name that was being criticized at, everywhere in the world.
I am pissed off.

I'm pissed off at how biased the media are.
Ok I used to study in school about how communism used media as propagandas and some shit like that. I didn't see that it's still happening right now. Every minute every second.
Now that I see it, it's quite amazing how much my thoughts are shaped the way it was, just becos of these media.
The movies, the news, books, magazines, internet, or even music!

Media in some countries (like Singapore and some others) as well as Youtube ARE NOT GIVING THE REAL/TRUE/RIGHT INFORMATION.
I'm saying this 'cos when there's some bombs or gunshots, they go "there's violence involved in the protests" or some other nice, well-put sentence to somehow make the audience feel like "these anti-governments are the cause of all these problems!".

WHICH IS NOT TRUE!

Somehow, I understand that most people feel annoyed and frustrated becos those PAD closed down the airport and all that.
But goddamn it, don't try to be smart and thus, give really negative opinions about something you don't even really know. All you've known about it was just the part of the story the media was allowed to feed you.
So, unless you're a Thai, you've lived in Thailand, you have Thai relatives or family, listened to both the PAD and the government (pro-government representatives included), please shut the fuck up!

All those people who complains about the disruptions are only concerned about their own self-interest - their own inconvenience. Why the fuck would they care if Thailand's gonna continue to be corrupted, lead by a group of selfish sneaky fuckers, full of prostitution and drugs when they're not even living here?!
I mean, if I were to be stuck in India becos of some protests against the dirty streets or something then I would be pissed becos they're causing me my convenience but I wouldn't try to come up with some smart opinions about them being there becos they want CHANGES for the better for their land, their country, RIGHT?!?! (yes! I'm still mumbling and cursing)

Okay, enough of my complaints about stuck-up-and-wanna-be-cool-and-smart people's opinions.
------------------------------------

Below is article from MSNBC that I found. It isn't 100% well-informed either, but it was the best one I've found so far.

'Thailand's Political Maze - A Beginner's Guide'
by Ian Williams, NBC News Correspondent

Bangkok's massive multi-million dollar airport terminal tonight resembles a night market. It's teaming with yellow-clad protesters and lined with make-shift stalls selling badges, t-shirts, stickers and jewelry, as well as food and drink. Outside, the passenger drop-off zone is a sea of yellow protesters rattling their plastic "clappers" as they listen to fiery speeches from the top of truck.
The approach road to the terminal is lined with cars that reflect the largely middle-class character of the protesters – the SUV is the vehicle of choice. There are several security checks along the way, where guards wielding metal rods and golf clubs stop and search approaching cars. It feels like the anti-government protesters are settling in for the long-haul.

All flights remain suspended, and the estimated 3,000 passengers – most of them tourists – stranded last night when the airport closed have been moved to city-center hotels.
But who exactly are these protesters clad in yellow – the color associated with Thailand’s king – who risk crippling Thailand's lucrative tourist industry? And what do they want?

---fuckkk. I can't get the whole article 'cos the link isn't working anymore. looks like it's blocked or something. I got this above intro from THIS LINK. will try to post the rest asap.---
OR if you can, try to click on the title to read the rest yourself.

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♥♥♥♥♥♥ To Jens:
Sweetheart I really do appreciate you spending this year's x'mas and new year with me,
despite the difficult situation and all.
I m♥sve You

Reappearance

2008-10-13T21:00:00.002+08:00

I've been gone for fucking ages!
He he and here I'm back.
*the point of not updating is to lose some readers of the blog. (which wasnt really any in the first place) and yes, it's a good thing.

so, there's so much to say but not much to remember.

DENMARK trip was great.
almost perfect.
awesome weather!
I'm too lazy to post the pics here but I'll just post a link to photobucket afterwards.

I gained so much weight in summer (thailand&denmark)!
but!! I managed to lose them off now. :)

Muse Anniversary show is coming up on 17-18 oct.
and I still have 3 fucking more kgs to lose off.
I MISS FOOD!!

my 2 baby Anns might be coming over to shanghai next month! :)
I can hardly wait!
If they're not, I'll be in HK with mu'fi lover instead.
so I better save up. :(

-----------------------------------------------------------
you said "what do you want?"
and I got myself thinking about it.
I think I've found my answer:

I want you to be with me, not necessary physically, not so as to make me happy.
I want you to be with me, so as to make yourself happy.

if we can both do that, then I think everything else will solve itself.
if you're 'being' with me becos it makes you happy, then it's just natural that you'll feel comfortable enough to talk to me about anything everything you want to say.
and same goes for me too.

but all I can do now is to have hope and faith in us.

it's definitely not gonna be easy - spending a lifetime with someone.
it's only gonna be easy if we don't give a shit about each other.

DENMARK

2008-08-25T20:28:00.002+08:00

DENMARK: 16th Aug - 31st Aug

Current location: Vester Hassing
FUCKING AWESOME!

laters guys.

Karnchanaburi - Thailand

2008-08-06T12:25:00.008+08:00

I am so lazy to type, so I'm just going to post the pics.

Sai Yok Noi Waterfall.

We're building little vacation houses (above pic) next to the river in Karnchanaburi.

It's perrrrrrrrfect for weekends!

THE BEST GRANDMOTHER IN THE WORLD.

**** THIS ONE ABOVE IS JUST FOR YOU BABY :) ****

I was thinking of you and Natalie.

** I WISH YOU WERE HERE **

TRIPS and PLANS

2008-08-02T00:36:00.007+08:00

Awwww. I LOVE MY GRANDMA!!!

She's the BESTEST of the BEST. (esp. the cooking part. hehe.)

I've said it many times and I'm going to say it again:

THAI FOOD IS ABSOLUTELY THE BEST.

Seriously.

--------------------------------------------

Updating plans/schedule:

- Present 'till 15th Aug: Thailand

- 16th Aug 'till 31st Aug: Denmark * Europe

- 1st Sep 'till 3rd Sep: Bangkok

- 3rd Sep 'till 4th Sep: Shanghai

- 5th Sep 'till 7th Sep: Hongkong (may be)

- 8th Sep 'till 25th Sep: Shanghai

- 26th Sep 'till 29th/30th Sep: Singapore

then back to Shanghai

Ha ha ha. I look busy.

Self-reminders:

- EXERCISE!!!!!!!!! and eat less!

- New portfolio

- Bribe the principal

- $13,000 + $6,000 = $19,000

- Return money: baby

- Graphic design course = $ ??

I'm thinking of being a drug dealer for few years. Ha ha.

Okay, I'm joking, just in case anyone is suspecting that I'm serious about it.

$_$

money. money. money. money!

--------------------------------------------

Rong was (and still is) here in Bangkok.

Too bad it was a short while. (but long enough to finish about 750ml of Chivas)

With Sunny, Fabian (or was he Favian?) and Rong at JET.

I miss those times in Sg that we all (with Sofia too) just hang out at Ken's.

It's been long that I get to laugh with you guys. :(

MISS ALL OF YOU!!

ann lim. ann ling. fiya. ken. kev. keith. edwin. rong. gab. matt. marcus. ibkaar.

and so many more!

--------------------------------------------

I shouldn't describe this picture.

Well, I guess I don't have to.

:) He he.

--------------------------------------------

THAILAND IS AWESOME.

Inviting a new author

2008-07-28T00:30:00.003+08:00

I invited you to be a part of this 'cos I want you to.

You have all the rights to accept or refuse it.

And by inviting you to be another author 'cos I feel that you are a large part of my life.

I'll be very happy if you would take notice and acknowledge that 'you're always welcome to my life'.

I love you and will always be.

------

I met Rong Liang today. We went to JET for a bit.

('cos my mom was kind of annoyed.)

And then I had a big fight with my mom - the kind of fight we NEVER had before.

It was about a father, a mother and a daughter who never got along with one another.

I was crying in the toilet, alone. ('cos mom shouted at me whenever I cry)

I didn't wanna talk or know or hear anything from anyone.

But I wish you were here.

And I miss you so much...

15 minutes passed.

So I walked out of the toilet with a smile, pretending nothing happened.

That conversation never happened. Those (whatever) words had never reached my ears.

We all have our very own lives.

There is not a reason for me to invade theirs,

and so, they shall not push theirs into mine too.

I will not allow that. Ever.

Missing you..

2008-07-28T00:25:00.000+08:00

Oh baby I miss you so very much.

HUMAN RIGHTS IN THAILAND

2008-07-27T01:37:00.002+08:00

Thailand: Protect Opposition Rallies From Attack

Investigate Violence by Pro-Government Groups

(New York, July 26, 2008) – Thai authorities should ensure that opposition political rallies are protected from attack by pro-government groups, Human Rights Watch said today.

By allowing pro-government thugs free rein to unleash violence, the authorities are putting Thailand’s fragile democracy at risk. Officials should investigate these attacks and hold to account those responsible for the violence, as well as any officials who failed to stop it.

Elaine Pearson, deputy Asia director at Human Rights Watch

Related Material

Thailand: Beheadings, Burnings in Renewed Terror Campaign
Press Release, July 7, 2008

Thailand: End Official Cover-Up in Lawyer’s ‘Disappearance’
Press Release, March 11, 2008

More Information about Human Rights in Thailand
Country Page

Free Email Newsletter

Since late May 2008, pro-government groups have attacked about a dozen rallies across Thailand organized by the People’s Alliance for Democracy (PAD), a coalition of groups critical of the government. On July 24, 2008, in the most serious incident to date, police stood by while pro-government thugs beat and critically injured at least 13 PAD supporters and destroyed public property at a rally in Udorn Thani province.

“Thai authorities have failed to protect their citizens’ basic right to peaceful assembly,” said Elaine Pearson, deputy Asia director at Human Rights Watch. “By allowing pro-government thugs free rein to unleash violence, the authorities are putting Thailand’s fragile democracy at risk. Officials should investigate these attacks and hold to account those responsible for the violence, as well as any officials who failed to stop it.”

On July 24, Kwanchai Praipana and Uthai Saenkaew, the younger brother of Agriculture Minister Theerachai Saenkaew, led some 1,000 members of the pro-government Khon Rak Udorn Club to forcibly break up a peaceful rally of about 200 PAD supporters at Nong Prajak public park in Muang district, Udorn Thani province. Local radio station FM 97.5 reportedly urged pro-government supporters to carry out violence against the rally. Pro-government supporters were armed with swords, axes, knives, iron clubs, wooden clubs, and slingshots.

News footage and eyewitness accounts show that local authorities made no effort to stop the violence. Some 500 police and district defense volunteers at the rally did not try to perform their duties – even when thugs beat PAD supporters nearly to death right in front of them. And they made no attempt to arrest those who destroyed property at the rally.

Since May 25, tens of thousands of people have joined the PAD in rallies in Bangkok and across the country to express opposition for the administration of Prime Minister Samak Sundaravej. The PAD has accused the government of corruption, abuse of power, and being unpatriotic, among other criticisms. Although the PAD often uses strong language to criticize the government and has staged lengthy roadblocks in Bangkok, most of its activities have been peaceful. On June 20, PAD supporters tried to force their way through police barricades to seize the Government House where the Cabinet sits.

On at least 11 occasions in Bangkok, Udorn Thani, Sakol Nakhon, Chiang Mai, Sri Saket, Chiang Rai, Mahasarakham, and Buriram provinces, pro-government groups that are often associated with members of parliament from the ruling party have attacked PAD supporters, causing scores of injuries and damaging public property. In one instance, at a PAD rally in Mahasarakham province on July 23, former senator Karun Sai-Ngarm was on the stage when he was hit in the face with a marble from a slingshot and had to be rushed to hospital.

To date Thai authorities have failed to take action against those responsible for the attacks. In some cases, local police and provincial governors have promised to investigate the attacks and arrest those responsible but there is no evidence that this has occurred.

“The government of Prime Minister Samak should uphold the right to peaceful assembly as a basic component of democracy guaranteed in the Thai Constitution,” said Pearson.

Happy Birthday to me

2008-07-10T13:06:00.006+08:00

It was the 9th of July.. approximately 11am.. 19 years ago.. :)

How I celebrated it?

- Call up my parents and thank them for having me.

- Went to Shanghai water park.. (it's fucking hot in Shanghai right now)

- Thai food for dinner.

- Get a little kinky & naughty before going to bed. Ha ha.

- Having you here with me all the time.

And just these simple things..
but having you holding my hand or just lie down beside me and say nothing..
i'm the happiest birthday girl in the world.

To all my friends:

Thank you so much for all the wishes!

esp. Teoy!
You actually bought a cake although you're in Thailand..
just to surprise me on webcam!!!

That's the sweetest thing I've ever recieved on birthday!

And I'm sorry wa I wasn't online.. :(

LOVE Y'ALL!!!

Temptation.

2008-06-25T16:02:00.003+08:00

I didn't sleep at all last night,

which also means that I've been up for about 24hours now.

and I WENT SHOPPING today! :(

well at least it's Qipu Lu Market, not Xintiandi this time.

so... i've got quite a lot of things for just about 600rmb (S$120).

(I'm going to take some pictures to post them all up here as soon as i have time)

too bad i didn't get any shoes (cos they never have my size)

I've got:

- 10 new pairs of earrings

- 2 pairs of shorts (white&black) @50rmb! (S$10)

- 1 huge handbag

- 1 little one

- 2 summer skirts (a long one and a shorter one)

- 4 tops.

- 11 summer dresses

- 1 A&F cardigan

- 1 t-shirt

total: 33 new things! hehehe.

I'm going to get the shoes in Hk again on 2-5 July. he he.

- off to bed.

Poverty

2008-06-24T23:15:00.005+08:00

I'm saving money, so I'm staying home everyday.

So I thought I could do something more productive - Photoshopping pictures of bike's parts.

And then I get bored and moody after a few hours.

So I went into freerice.com and freepoverty.com,

and I feel the sudden urge to spend all my money helping these people.

(I mean the ones who're starving, not the websites.)

But the thing is, if I donate, the question is,

how can I be sure that they're going to give my money to them and not in their pockets?

Fuck that.

I'm gonna go give them myself one of these days.

for now... just play the game (ps. I played for 754cups of water in total today!)

and 5000 grains of rice in freerice.com.

ok. off to continue with the E-bike.

By the way, I finished the Spadk.com' logo DIV yesterday.

AND I LOVE IT. :) hehe.

HOLIDAYS

2008-06-23T18:48:00.001+08:00

I CANNOT WAIT FOR DENMARK TRIP THIS SUMMER!!!!!!!!!!

(And Paris too, maybe?)

Weeeeeeee!!!! :) :)

Engagement

2008-06-22T02:38:00.003+08:00

I was in Hongkong (11-15th) and you were in Denmark.
I went out to Volar with some friends and got back home and called you.

I said, "baby i'm sorry i lied to my friends about us today."
You went "what about?" sounded worried.
"they asked about the ring i was wearing on THAT finger and asked about it, so i told them that i'm engaged to you. hehe.", I replied.
You said, "but you are engaged to me baby."

Few days later...
I logged on facebook and see the 'fiance request' from you.
hehe. you're so cute!

and our conversation afterwards went something like:
"my friends asked if it's official. what am i supposed to say?"
"baby, would you like to be engaged to me?"
"YES YES YES YES i would love to!!!!!!!!!"
"so now it is official."

so yes. i am really seriously officially engaged.

i can hardly wait for graduation. :)

You said:
"so you have to go school and study hard and quickly graduate!"
(i've never found a better reason to go to school than this.)

"i cant wait for the day i take your hand and leave all the worries behind."

Charinee told me about her conversation with you on Skype too.
It's so nice to hear that.
She asked if you were really engaged to me and when did it happen.
You said "we have always been engaged."
And then she asked if you were sure that i was the one for you.
and you said "yes. she's the one for me."

I mean, if this sentence comes out from anyone else,
I'll never believe it. Well, I've heard it a few times and I've NEVER really believe in it.
There has always been doubts and reasons not to believe.

But when it comes to you, it feels right.
It feels like there can be no any other way.
I can only see the reasons to believe in you.

basically the conversations we had about our future,
about the kind of home we're going to build,
the orphanage, the kids, our lifestyles and all that we've talked about quite often.
it makes me feel like i'm living in my dream - in a good way.

my 'dream' kind of life:
i get to meet my dream guy and at the same time i am his dream girl,
we both fell in love at first sight, the more we know each other the more sure we are,
then we got engaged despite all the cynical people,
and then we work hard together, earn alot of money,
get married, bought a few homes in different places, retire at early age,
travel to all the fantastic places on earth together,
do the adventurous things together like swim with the white sharks,
have wonderfully gorgeous kids, raise them up with love,
spending everyday's life on a beach or a mountain or a waterfall,
may be have a small cafe there too, build an orphanage and teach them well,
holding each other's hand when we're old.

and you walked into my life, with the SAME DREAM.
and everything's just so right. we can never been so sure in our lives.

now tell me, HOW COULD I NOT BE THE HAPPIEST&LUCKIEST PERSON IN THE WORLD??

becos i know you believe in the future with me,
becos i know that you feel the same - as happy to met each other,
becos i know you believe that i'm the one for you - as much i believe that you're the one for me,
becos i know you're willing to stand with me all the way,
i fear nothing. :)

that's it. that's all i need..

I MOSVE YOU!!!!!!!!

Yacht Club in Kunshan

2008-06-01T21:44:00.003+08:00

Too lazy to update.

That's it for now.. x :)

To Yangshuo/Guilin

2008-05-23T15:44:00.010+08:00

I'm not in a mood to type so much today.

To Guilin on Sat 17th - Tue 20th.

It was beautiful, despite the non-stop rain.

The first day:

Just outside our river view hotel. :)

The next day:

We walked up the Moon Hill (Yue Liang Shan),

and while other people stopped at the Viewpoint,

we both climbed to the top!

See the hole in the middle that looks like half-moon?

That's the viewpoint.

I didn't want to climb! *grumpy

My legs were already aching even before climbing. (from camping.)

And we were at the half-moon viewpoint!

But it looked like I have not been suffering enough to my love..

so we were the only 2 people continuing to the top.

LOOK THE WAY UP!!

Muddy. Insects. Worms. Mosquitoes.

I hated him for that.

AND FINALLY...

I was way too grumpy to take any nice picture. Ha.

Look at how high we've climbed!!

There were the butterflies.

And many more of the disgusting ones.

Messy everywhere. :(

Back down to the Viewpoint. Feeling happier.

Happiest persons in the world! :)

Next destination: To swim in Lijiang River!

*wet*

That night: little drinks :)

Next morning: Back to Shanghai

Guilin airport.

I've been gone

2008-05-20T19:45:00.004+08:00

Been awhile now, so many things had happened.

Again, I've no time for the detailed post so just gonna make it a short one.

- Got a new camera!! Sony DSLR 700!

Fucking love it.

This also means that I'm going to be posting a lot more pictures from now on. :)

- Been away to Guilin - Yangshuo from 17-20th.

It was beautiful, but too bad the weather wasn't so good.

I fucking climbed the Moon Hill ok!!

Like, literally walking up to the top of it!!

I've got about 30 mosquito bites in totally on both legs now.

The Yangshuo mosquitoes were having a feast on my legs!

- Back to Shanghai today and done new pizza flyer for you. :)

I love my work. Ha ha.

Although it'd be nicer without the Chinese translation though.

A Change of Blog Address

2008-05-14T14:42:00.002+08:00

I just moved to this http://nannnn. blogspot.com from http://heartsnan.blogspot.com,

due to a few reasons:

1. From the conversation a few days back,

I realized that may be it's not a very good idea for you to read my blog.

I don't mean to complain it to you, I'm just typing my feelings in my blog,

so from what I see from that conversation (about the previous posts),

you reading this is only adding more pressure and insecurity.

So, yes, it should be stopped now.

2. This name is obviously better than 'heartsnan'.

It also resembles how many people call me - Imran, for instance.

'Nannnn'

PS. it's like Nan with 3 extra Ns. :)

I know! but I still fucking hate it.

2008-05-07T01:20:00.004+08:00

I'm referring to his facebook picture that was tagged by Milan.

(Just one picture)

There's no big issue about it but I just don't like seeing it.

I still do wanna visit his profile once in awhile, you know,

but I don't even dare to click on his name anymore,

'cos I know that I'm going to see 'that picture'.

It doesn't make me happy at all.

So yes, here it is - another complaint.

But seriously, looking at your smile and her smile and your arm and your hand position.

How the fuck am I supposed to be OK about seeing it?

My mind goes wild the first time I looked at it.

I know I'm such a child but suddenly picture of you sleeping next to me was replaced by her.

Tsk. Fucking hate this.

OK. No more looking of anyone's profile on facebook.

Oh Hongkong

2008-05-06T01:00:00.003+08:00

YESTERDAY (4MAY):

**You called to INVITE me to go over for dinner&the night!!**
(skipping the drama inbetween)
and I did! :)

We went for Da Marco with his friend, Phillip.
The wine was great!!

There was 1 sentence that I kept thinking about till now though,
while you were talking to Phil.
You said something about 'moving to Xiamen'.

Just the IDEA of you being away for a week is bad enough,
let alone you moving away. :(

*******

TODAY (5MAY):

I've never wanted to be in Hongkong more than now.

I've always been loving Hongkong since young.
It has always been my favourite place for 10years,
but the idea of being in Hongkong with you is totally different.

Well, in fact, traveling with you anywhere would be wonderful,
especially Hongkong or Thailand.
But you never really mention any plan about making any, so far.
Hopefully I'll get to see you this summer.
But why do I feel that you're not so looking forward to it?

Oh wait. Come to think about it,
I fucking invited myself again, didn't I! :(
I better not put up much hopes on it just yet.
I hate it when anything doesn't go the way it is said to be.
Just like how I gave up on the zoo&the wild life park plans,
which makes me happier in a way,
'cos then I'm not disappointed times and times again anymore.
We'll go there when we go there.

Anyway, back to Hongkong topic.

It'd be nice if I could just tag along you know,
since you're not really gonna be doing anything for 1day anyway,
but obviously I'm too troublesome.
I got that.

Oh and I thought you might try to get the camera for me,
so I lied that I bought it, so you wouldn't be wasting your money on it for me. :)

I've had a bad dream today and I'm worried.
Please be safe and come back here soon.
I've never cried so much in my dream.

ps. Nulu's not well! and I don't know what's happening! :(

*off to dream of you & Natalie.

Happy belated birthday to my love

2008-05-03T19:33:00.002+08:00

Too busy with other more important thing that to update this blog. :) haha.

So yes, here i am.

30th Apr
Happy Belated Birthday to you!!

Let's see what you've got from me for your 26th birthday!
- Evisu jeans.
- Me, buying the exact same design pair of jeans for myself - to wear it together with you!
- My effort for going back to Xintiandi to change the size for you.
- A little chocolate cake that I was a little part of making.
- Morning big kisses for Natalie (that I enjoyed too. hehe.)
- Good japanese food! (although I didn't pay)
- Birthday kisses&hugs
- Prices and catalogue of Sony laptops ('cos after seeing the price, I couldn't afford it)
- My naked self (that you wouldn't really consider as a gift 'cos you get that almost everyday)

Wow. That was a LIST! :) he he.

1st Apr
I just have to say it here 'cos I fucking love it and I wanna remember it.

You and I, talked about the old days and laugh and smile,
cuddling on the couch on a lovely day, just the two of us.
It felt like nothing else matters to me right then, and it was great.

Oh. And I went out for a run!!!
After, like what, half a year or something. Ha.

ps. what happened afterwards was even better! hmmm.

2nd Apr
Work. Work. Work.
Stress. Moody. Tired. Irritated. Annoyed. Unhappy.

Yes, all that.

Clement Lee is here in Shanghai for the weekend so I planned to go out at night.
I said, "would you want me back here later?" and you kept quiet.

The thing is:
Sometimes I felt like you don't really want me here (around you),
and sometimes I felt like you're better off without me.
And everytime those thoughts came to my mind I told myself that you love me,
and that isn't what you would mean.

It's just really hard for me sometimes to convince myself to be positive and be happy when all these happen.
I guess it's just human nature - making meanings out of every simplest thing.

But yes, I wasn't happy and it hurt.
A part of me was thinking that you don't really want me anymore and I'm getting boring.
The other part of me was blaming myself for being such a shameless bitch,
who keep inviting herself to your place all the time.
You know, it's not like I'm invited.
The other part of me was thinking about 'Men - one moment they want you so badly and there comes the other moments where they didn't want you to be anywhere near them.'
And another part of me was saying that 'hey. that's not what he means. he loves you and you know that. what's so wrong about needing time to be alone once in awhile?'

The strongest part wins.
And it is happening every moment.
The positive may win now but it may be weaken the next minute, or second even.

So if you're reading this, please please know that I'm not blaming you for anything.
It is just me and my insecurity that might due to my past.
I cried, I smiled, I laughed with you.
I get pissed off sometimes too when those negative part(s) of me get strong for that moment.
But in the end, I always always know that you love me.
I never ever ever once doubt that - never a slightest thought.
And THAT makes me the happiest, luckiest person in the world.

You are everything to me.
You are my dream, my friend, my brother, my lover, my heart and my life.
I LOVE YOU.

6months

2008-04-27T03:52:00.001+08:00

PS. It is now exactly 6months and 3hours since my heart ran to you.

Fucking late at night

2008-04-27T02:50:00.003+08:00

It is nearly 4am and HSK is at 9am.

I hardly studied for it, and I know that.

I've been staying up 'till now to at least get a nice little talk with you,

like a good night or a I-love-you, or a I-miss-you, or a good luck for tomorrow.

At least having you saying that I can do it means a lot to me.

Just like back in 25th November. I can even remember the message you sent to me.

It said, "a thousand kisses for you if you pass and two thousand if you don't."

This time, it was "you've been going out almost everyday. I don't think you're gonna pass."

I don't even care if it's from people like my roommate, M,

or some friends like Will or whoever else.

But this comes from you.

Does it have to be like this?

'It' here refers to 'the relationship'.

We're all sweet and and appreciative and supportive and happy and want-to-see-you-all-the-time and missing-you-every-minute and heart-skipping moments when we touch and hold-your-hand-all-the-time and, only in the first few months.

So is that it??

Why is it so difficult to keep appreciating the things you already have?

Like when I just got my phone about a few months back,

I took care of it so well. I didn't want it to have any scratch.

And look at how I treat my phone now.

Once in awhile, when I stop and realize that,

I asked myself this question and I couldn't answer it properly.

"Why is it so difficult to keep appreciating the things you already have?"

Is it in human nature or is it something we've developed into in this fast-moving world?

Anyway.

I said "I'm going to be fine by tomorrow." 'cos I know I would be.

'Cos you're tired and needed to rest and 'cos if I'm going to mention it then it's going to seem like I'm making myself look like the 'victim', again.

And that's going to hurt even more.

So I better shut the fuck up and go to sleep.

I hope I'm going to wake up early tomorrow and thought that I was just dreaming.

Good night.

Quotes

2008-04-18T19:02:00.002+08:00

"Men are like coffee - The best ones are rich, warm & able to keep you up all night long." - Some coffee ad.

"I can resist everything except temptation." - Oscar Wilde

"Logic will get you from A to B. Imagination will take you everywhere." - Albert Einstein

Randy Pausch's quotes:
"Brick walls are there for a reason - they let us prove how badly we want things."
"Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted."
"Never lose the child-like wonder."

"Reasons happen when integrity hasn't been fulfilled." - Me

Still counting

2008-04-18T18:46:00.002+08:00

Mid-term coming up

2008-04-17T14:37:00.001+08:00

Zhongguo Gaikuang Test today.
Gaodeng Shuxue Test tomorrow.

And I still have no fucking idea about anything.

HSK is coming next week.
I NEED TO PASS 5 ON THIS ONE!!!!!

FUCK!!!!!!!!!
I'm going to study now.

Shanghai Taxi

2008-04-17T14:10:00.003+08:00

I just suddenly remembered these incidents with the taxi drivers here,
and I thought I should keep those memories in here too.

STORY 1
We were in a dark, narrow road where there's nothing around.
Will: How to get the taxis man!?
Surprisingly at least 3taxis were passing by.
So we got on one.
Will: Shifu, zhe bian li mian (pointing the road down behind) you shenme, wei shenme you na me duo che?
Taxi Driver: Li mian a. Li mian ye shi yi tiao lu ya! You lu dang ran you che a! (with a you-are-so-stupid look.)
Will: (talking to us) Wtf la! Every fucking one knows that!!
Us: HAHAHAHAHA.

STORY2
Once we're on it..
Jack: Shifu, xian song wo dao *** lu. Ran hou song tamen dao Beijing.
Taxi Driver: *Think about it for quite a moment before realising it's impossible.*

A Fucking Long Wishlist

2008-04-15T18:10:00.006+08:00

1. DSLR Nikon camera (RMB6000)

2. + a few lenses to go with it. (RMB2000)

3. LV or Channel handbag (RMB6000)

4. Abercrombie&Fitch dresses (RMB800)

5. More Nine West shoes (RMB2000)

6. Miss Sixty/True Religion Jeans (RMB2000)

7. New closet of lingerie (RMB2500)

8. Dior cosmetics (RMB1100)

9. YSL cosmetics (RMB850)

10. I-phone (RMB3500)

11. Europe trip (fuck-knows-how-much)

12. Personal Portfolio (RMB2500)

13. HSK Level6 (Priceless)

14. Diamond ring (RMB1500?)

15. New nice necklace (RMB1000?)

**TOTAL: RMB31750 + fuck-knows-how-much + Priceless HSK **

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Now what??

All I can do is to dream about them innit!?

I'm going to get the camera for sure!!

The rest of the things might be nice to have but not as necessary.

FUCK!! Who says money isn't important, huh!!!!!

Tiesto Update

2008-04-09T18:50:00.004+08:00

As I was talking about Tiesto in Shanghai,

spinning his Elements of Life at M2 on last Sat 05.04.

CONCLUSION:

He sucks.

M2 was FUCKING packed it took at least half an hour to go to toilet!!

AND YET! so little people are actually dancing.

It was more like house music! wtf.

See, if it's not becos the name is 'Tiesto',

if it was some other names playing what he was playing,

he'd be booed and M2 would be empty and boring in an hour.

However, I gotta give it to him during the climax.

It was like 25mins of a fucking crazy music.

But well, yeah, that was about it, 25 mins out of 3 hrs.

I was just RIGHT NEXT to the DJ booth,

so I've got a pretty close up photos of him. :)

We - Jens, Mats and I - had fun anyway.

Too bad Immi couldn't make it though.

We - just you and I - were smiling all night long.

In fact, we've got ourselves stuffed with stuffs 'til 8am. Whaha.

I loved it. It was like rewinding back to the first day we met.

The difference, this time, is just that we're more in love. Ha.

See.

More.

You said you would bring me to India where the parties and DJs are so much better.

Yes, even the words said during disco-biscuiting count!! :p

I'm looking forward to it. :)

TIESTO's coming

2008-04-03T04:57:00.010+08:00

TIESTO IS SPINNING IN SHANGHAI THIS SATURDAY!!

GET READY TO BE HIGH AT M2 - PLAZA66!!

PLAN1: BE HAPPY & GET FUCKING HIGH WITH IMMI, MATS AND MY LOVE. :)

PLAN2: TAKE AS MANY PICTURES AS POSSIBLE WITH TIESTO.

PLAN3: LOOKING GORGEOUS.

BLANK

2008-04-03T04:43:00.006+08:00

YESTERDAY WAS A MAGGIE BABY & HOT BABE DAY.

That's all I'm gonna mentioned here.

AND I went for manicure and hair-do.

Nothing else to say but, fuck, my hair is gorgeous. Ha ha.

In short, I LOVE IT.

Now I need a new gorgeous dress to go with my new gorgeous hair.

Okay. Enough.

I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO SEE YOU TODAY.

I still can't believe you called to ask me out for dinner on a weekday.

When was the last time you did that anyway?

I've got a feeling that it won't happen due to some urgent work-related reasons last minute.

We'll see, soon.

And the reason why I'm updating my blog at 5am?

BAD BAD DREAM, of cos.

I saw you leaving - walking away from me for some hot babe you called her 'baby',

but you were just calling me 'Nancy'.

Ann Lim again

2008-03-27T13:26:00.004+08:00

so little time spent together this trip!

next time next time..
don't come with your bf!
ha ha.

M2!

It was good fun that night,
although we didn't really have a good table. :)

ONE cafe at Xiangyang Rd.
Right after our last Japanese dinner in this trip.

Love love you baby girl!

And I really hope to see you again soon!! :)

Oh Singapore

2008-03-19T17:35:00.003+08:00

ANN IS COMING TO SHANGHAI.
with her Mark C.

I'm still fucking happy though.
It's gonna be so much fun!!
It's kinda comforting to see familiar faces once in a while,
especially here in Shanghai that I don't have many nice fun friends YET.

Joyz is coming on the very same day too.

Meaning that I'm going to have more supply of Ribena. Weeee! :)

Okay. This makes me miss Singapore food!! :(
And my fabulous life there.
I mean, I can get anything I want in Singapore,
and look at my life in Shanghai,
I can't even make a cent or get a nice table in (some) clubs here!

BUT! I wouldn't change back even if I have the chance, though.

Singapore doesn't have my heart.
Shanghai has you. :)

Sick Broke Ass

2008-03-19T16:17:00.002+08:00

I hate having flu.
I hate having mucus running out of my nose every second.
I hate not being able to enjoy smoking.

AND

I hate not having money.

All those situations mentioned above combined = ME now.

Sugar's Death Annoucement

2008-03-13T03:13:00.004+08:00

HAPPY 23rd BIRTHDAY TO P'M TODAY!
I'm looking forward to free party and a free good meal,
without having to spend a single cent on any birthday gift,
'cos we all know he doesn't give a shit about any gift anyway - good thing. :)

*****
This birthday aside for now,
I am here to update about one important thing that I didn't mention -
SUGAR WAS DEAD on Saturday night, 1st of March.

The story is:
I wasn't home on since Friday,
and so P'M carried the responsibility of feeding and changing its diapers (for the cage).

Guess what, he called me on Sunday morning 4.43am,
said "Nan!!! Your rabbit is dead!!!! HOW!!!???"
He forgot to give water and there was no more vegetables,
so he just fed her the rabbit food.

I was half awake, yet, I cried myself to sleep again.

The next day when I got home,
looking at the dead Sugar made me feel so upset.
It was a small creature, but still, it was a life.
A life that I was responsible for from the moment I took it in my hands.

I burried this note with her:

To Sugar:

I'm sorry I didn't take good care of you.
It's been such a short time together but we both knew that we loved each other.
And I won't forget about you.

Love,
Me.

After burying her, I decided to go out for a little walk that day.
I left the house with just my wallet, mobile phone and keys,
and ended up in Changle Road,
buying everything I can set my eyes on and fit my butt in.

Spent altogether 3000ish without realising.

AND NOW I fucking regret walking out of the house with my wallet and unstable emotions that day!!!!!!!!

It's official - I AM BROKE (again).

Exam/Whisk/Guilt

2008-03-12T17:08:00.004+08:00

大学英语免修考试

Today's English test was alright.
It was tougher than what I expected,
especially the TRANSLATION part! :(

The composition too though was a little tough,
'cos I don't understand the Chinese guidelines given. :(

Oh wait, did I mention about my first exam of the passed Monday?
I AM SO GETTING 90% FOR THAT ONE!!
P'm (my roommate) happened to send me a 'back-up' team,
consisting of a taiwanese (Mimi) and a local Chinese (Mike).
I COPIED 90 OUT OF 100 QUESTIONS!! Ha ha.
Mike finished so fast so he put up his answer sheet vertically against the computer screen,
and he went to toilet!!! How lovely. :)

Oh well, I definitely passing these two anyway.
Let me now worry about the Friday 基础汉语考试.
I CANNOT FAIL THIS ONE.
NO MATTER WHAT IT TAKES TO PASS.
Seriously, I'm going to plan out my copying stategies now.

*****
WHISK CHOCO CAFE!!!

I don't know what more to update when I havn't been doing anything interesting for ages.

And oh!! I just realised that I didn't update on the Choco cafe.
I WENT TO WHISK CHOCO CAFE ON SUNDAY! (09/03)
But it wasn't chocolate buffet as I expected.
However, they have this really really very incredibly yummy chocolate cakes and brownies,
and their food is good too!!!

Gosh, I am soooo going there again soon.
See, just talking about it makes me drool.

*****
*SUCH A FOOL

I realised how suck it is to feel like, that I foolishly put up that picture.
I didn't even realise how it might make you feel,
until you told me about it.
(And I'm glad that you did.)

I cannot quite express out how sorry I am.
I know you're saying that it's alright and all,
but if I put myself in your situation,
I know that there's gonna be so much more thoughts going on in my mind.
(Eh, or is it just me??)

I acknowledge that I wasn't being who I said I would be to you.
Obviously, putting up that picture just because I find myself look good in it,
without thinking more about how it might make you feel,
is not a lovely thing to do.
And it is definitely not something that makes us smile. :(

I AM SO SORRY baby. I really do.

I have always been loving you and only you and will always be just you.
Noone else and nothing else would ever gonna change that.
There is nothing I wouldn't do to make you happy.
I mean, NOTHING at all.
And I wouldn't, for a single bit of nano-second, think of hurting you in anyway.

I am I am I am so in love with you.
*Will you forgive me this time?*

Chocolate Sunday

2008-03-09T19:00:00.004+08:00

CHOCOLATE BUFFET:
1250 Huaihai Zhong Road.

I wanna go to that chocolate buffet place sooooo badly!!!
I have not been eating any chocolate for about a week 'cos that was the deal we made.

Yes of cos I can go there by myself or ask someone along,
but it wouldn't be as nice if I didn't get to enjoy it with you.
You said that you would bring me there about 2months ago,
and I'm still waiting for it.

Oh, you said something today that sort of stuck with me,
"I don't give a shit about what I said."
I know it doesn't mean anything but fuck, I don't even know why it keeps repeating in my head.
I'm getting pissed off with my own thoughts now.

*****

GYM

I cannot really recall the last time when I go to gym anymore.
How terrible.
It was about half a year ago, or little bit more. Ha ha.

Well, the good news here is...
I WENT TO THE GYM AGAIN YESTERDAY.
(Saturday the 8th of March)

And it was the very first time in my life that I don't need a steam room to motivate me to go.

Something else that you offered sounded so much better than a steam room. :)
Although I didn't get it afterward.

Well, now my body's aching.
It's a good sign.

*****

免修考试 EXAMS

I havnt been studying for them at all,
not till friday that I started to buy the books and started reading.

Monday: HSK (3credits)
Wednesday: College English (3credits)
Friday: 基础汉语 (6credits)

Here is the explanation:
1. If I happen to fail any of those subjects,
1credit would mean RMB400 for re-taking.

2. If you think College English would be easy for me, think again.
There are parts where you have to translate English-Chinese and vice versa.

3. The most difficult one would be Jichu Hanyu,
since it has 4sections: Listening, Speaking, Reading and Writing.
AND if I happen to FAIL this one,
I would have to be up at 7.45am every fucking day for these classes.
THAT is worse than explanation no.1!!

4. If I have to go for classes of Jichu Hanyu every morning,
it would also mean that my Gaodeng Shuxue, Gaikuang, Caijing Hanyu classes may be canceled!
Those are 6credits!!

How fucked up is that?!

And what am I doing now on Sunday evening?
Updating my blog,
and wishing/hoping that I will get to go for chocolate buffet. :(

I mean if I'm going to fail,
which I'm pretty sure that I will,
I want to be happy failing, you know!
Ha ha ha.

*****

I think I'm gonna go home soon if this Chocolate Sunday is not happening.
It might actually be better to use the time to study.

I tried, though, to study and keep myself occupy so I wouldn't think of anything else so much.

It sure does help but, I can't really concentrate or focus on anything.
I keep reading the same 2pages in the whole day, for instance.

Okay now, wish me all the luck in the world.

Period

2008-03-09T00:09:00.004+08:00

I think it was just the time of the month thingy for the previous post.

Seriously, I hate this monthly thing!
And (most) men just don't get why we're so sensitive and emotional every month!

God, why don't you let those men try having blood dripping out of their penises every month?!

Surely, there's a reason for that:
we all know how men's tempers are, even now when they don't have the period.
Now, try imagining them WITH the period.

There will definitely be more wars and violence in this world,
not that we don't have enough of those right now,
and of cos, God wouldn't want that.

I'm being so random now. Ha ha.
It was a happy happy day. :)
I got to spend the whole entire day with you.

+ Gym
+ Home
+ Arab food with Mats

Nan ♥ Chealockimazolic! :)

More Invisibility

2008-03-01T18:18:00.006+08:00

I want to keep this post as a draft so that just in case you read my blog,
you won't be able to see this.
But I'm still posting it up 'cos I know you wouldn't have time to read anyway.

I don't know where and when it has started.
It might just be me having a fucking terrible moodswing lately,
or it might be real, and the possibility that it might be real fucking bothers me.

I feel like you've not been happy with me lately?
Like, you don't smile and laugh with me so much anymore?
Or you have just been too busy and exhausted?

You don't even realise that I'm right in the same room with you,
or at least, that's how I THOUGHT.
I would sometimes walked over to be next to you,
to massage you for abit, but I still wasn't noticed.
(but I remembered you petted Asa when he did that!)

Is there any difference to you if I'm here or not?
There is a very very big one to me.

Even though the only time I would be able to BE with you
is when we're home at night, before going to bed,
even that little time, I feel like everything else doesn't matter.
I am so very happy when I'm WITH you,
and of cos, when you're WITH me.

You forgot about the dinner you told me yesterday,
or rather, you just don't have time for it.
Somehow, you cooked roasted ducks for the factory owner&his wife today.
You told them that it was becos "you SAID that you would",
despite your busy work.
Now, why is this happening?
Is it becos I'm of no use to you like them,
so that doesn't work when it comes down to my case?

I'm not asking for much here,
I'm not angry or pissed off,
and I'm definitely not trying to achieve anything out of typing all these.
I just need to say it out somewhere or to someone that would 'listen'.
It just happens to only be this blog right now.

I don't know what to do.
I'm here with you but I don't feel you with me.
"So near yet so far", the clever people said.

Yet, I don't want you to be unhappy.
I'm not trying to ask you not to work or anything like it.
In fact, I'm not trying to ask you to do anything for me.
I just want to know why this is happening.
Is it just me playing with my own thoughts or is it real?

You know how you used to acknowledge my presence,
even though you were busy working?
Like how you used to put your hand on my leg at dinners,
how you used to look at me once in awhile while working,
how you made me feel so comfortable to talk to you about anything,
now I'm just afraid to say things that are not important enough 'cos I'm afraid to bother you,
how we used to watch movies together,
how you used to cook some little things for me late at night,
how we used to joke and laugh about,
and how much you used to make me feel special.
Now, don't get me wrong.
I ALWAYS feel special being loved by you.
I just sorta miss that 'extra-special' way you made me feel.

And that is why I love you to see you work,
why I'm always happy just sitting in the same room with you,
just to be able to see you whenever I turn around.

PS. THIS MIGHT JUST BE ME AND MY EMOTIONAL SENSITIVE SELF OF THE MONTH, SO DO NOT PAY THIS POST TOO MUCH ATTENTION..

busy/cloud9

2008-02-29T00:40:00.002+08:00

been so fucking busy with school!

Argg now I have 10subjects in total!
9 of them in Chinese!

More update on *Jinmao Tower Cloud9 Bar* next time.

*****
CLOUD9 - JINMAO TOWER
23FEB 22:05

After the hastle with the idiotic taxi drivers,
we, in this case your Danish 'customer' and his wife, you and I, managed to get there after the extremely filling meal at that Brazillian ('brazillian', is it double L??) restaurant in Xujiahui.

It was wayyyy taller than what it seem to be in this photo.
(photoshop makes it look like bright but it was actually not.)

After taking the lift twice, if I remembered correctly,
we were at the Grand Hyatt Hotel. (I don't even know if it was the lobby.)

I was so fucking scared when I took this picture.

Then again, we gotta change to another lift, and then another,
or was it another?, to finally get to the highest floor (84th if I'm not wrong), Cloud9 Bar.

It was too dark to get a clear capture of the view,
so this is the best I could do with photoshop. :)

Anyhow, we ordered a few drinks and it wasn't as expensive as I thought.
First I ordered a glass of Australian dessert wine,
I tried to just take it sip by sip,
but since I wasn't really doing anything else other than sipping,
a decision to order a bottle came afterwards.

Orange Muscat&Flora - Australia 2007
It was so fucking DELICIOUS!
And it's not expensive too! (I think it was around 300rmb+.)

If your 'customers' weren't there,
I am so going to order two all for myself. Ha ha.

It was pretty boring 'cos I didn't understand what they're talking about most of the time,
BUT the wine saved me out of decomposing with boredom then. :)

Anyway, by the end of the night,
sitting in the taxi with you,
I thought that it was another most wonderful night.
(there are many 'most' wonderful nights with you.)

New Semester

2008-02-25T23:28:00.003+08:00

Tomorrow is going to be my first day of classes.
I could only take 9credits this semester!! :(

- 高等数学I
- 中国概况
- 大学英文I

Looking on the bright side,
I would only have to get up early on Tuesday. :)

which is tomorrow.

Good night now.

♥ I miss you so much.
I was thinking too much in the previous post.
I think it's the end of the month thingy. :(

Invisible Ability

2008-02-24T17:50:00.004+08:00

I've had strange power lately - An ability to be invisible.
I can't really control it yet though,
I would realise that it's happening only when everyone else gets a word or two,
except me,
eventhough I've been sitting still for hours,
and eventhough your hands were in my coat searching for keys.

What if one day I become completely invisible?
Who knows?! There is a possibility that could happen one day.

I think I have to learn to control it,
you know, like Heroes.

I'm even half, or may be less, invisible right now while typing this.
At least I 'think' I am.

Asa is just right next to me,
but obviously he doesn't have the ability to be invisible just like me,
'cos you are petting and smiling at him.

I hope this power goes away.

♥ emo.

NEW: PHONE&BUNNY

2008-02-23T14:52:00.005+08:00

This morning, on my way back from Nan Fang Shang Cheng,
after getting all the cosmetics and contact lenses needed,
I WAS TRICKED INTO BUYING THIS CUTE LITTLE BUNNY FOR 10RMB!

She held it out and asked me to carry it.
IT WAS TOO CUTE!!!!
I couldn't take it and so I happily bought it.

I only realised that I've bought trouble for a really cheap price only 3mins later.
Ha ha.

Since I can't do anything else but to keep it and raise it well now,
I can only hope that it doesnt die in my hands.

And it has red eyes too!!!!!
And it doesnt grow in size.
I don't like big fat rabbit. :)

Or at least that's what the fucking sleazy chinese lady said.
(The price that she first told me was 80rmb!? wtf.)

Anyway, I need a nice name for it. Suggestions?

♥ zZzzzz..

***********

♥ 22/2 evening

I bought a new phone finally,
after suffering from the old lousy Nokia shit for awhile.

After looking around for about half an hour,
I decided on white Sony Ericsson s500!

This one is Spring Yellow color. Mine is all in white.

It's alright when I first saw it but once I started using it,
I FUCKIN' LOVE IT! ♥ Ha.

It's simple but nice and cute too.
I hope there's no problem with this phone again.

(*Sigh. China China sometimes.)

2008-02-20T20:46:00.006+08:00

♥ 3rd Feb - Before heading to airport to Bkk

It was a really nice day.
I insisted on having good photos together,
so that I could look at them in Thailand.
(and show them to my grandma too! Hehe)

Here they are:

I'm sure it's obvious in the photos how happy I was. :)

With Asa too! :)

While walking you said "I'm going to make you a snowman!"
Then you ran off.
I thought you were just playing with Asa.

You: "There you go."

I've had an alive snowman!! Ha.
Thank you. :)

Recalls

2008-02-20T20:35:00.006+08:00

♥ 1st feb: Arab food & Apple bong :)

We ate so much!

A mouth-full

I can't help but to post in this picture here.
You're soooooo cute!!! :D

His mouth-fulls :)

Apple bong! :)

With a little green left and the lack of a bong,
he found a good use of apple!
He he.

I called it Christmas in Febuary. x

I Love You

2008-02-18T21:21:00.011+08:00

I know almost every post has been about you lately,
but I can't help it!
That's all I can think about.

♥ I am so in love.
And I am happy to be.

Some nights when I was lying next to you,
(while you were snoring away :D),
I tried to think of words to describe how much you mean to me,
how lucky I am to have you in my life,
and how happy I am to be fully loved by you,
but my command of all the languages I know couldn't do it.

♥ It feels like I have no more control of myself.

♥ It feels like my heart is not even mine anymore.
It is no longer with me.

You, though, have the full power to save or to break it.

The simplest thing like turned to look at me in the eyes and smile,
makes my heart glows.
Yet, the smallest misunderstanding,
(like not knowing that my mobile phone is fucked up and so I couldn't receive your msges),
makes my heart tears too.

Whenever I see you tired, stressed or hurt (like that incident with my nail),
I felt down with you.
Whenever I see you laugh and smile,
I am delighted with you,
although sometimes I did not even understand what it was about.

I am happy when I could help you out with some work.
I am even happier when you appreciate it.

Since the day we met,
there is never a minute in a day,
even a very busy day,
that you are not in my mind.

These words are said too much, too often.
The things I am saying now might be a common thing to say.
BUT I'M NOT JUST SWEET-TALKING.
If I don't say this,
then I couldn't express how I truly feel about you.

♥ Seriously, if THIS is not real,
then NOTHING else in the whole entire world would be.

There are, of course, a few times that things didn't go the way we want them to.
But my feelings for you have not changed one bit.

I could be unhappy with the meanings I made up myself in my mind at times,
but at the end of the day,
I always know that we are real,
that you love me so so much.

I've never been so clear.

You are.
♥ You definitely are, every single thing I could ever ask for.

I don't know if I've said this in any earlier post,
but I'm going to say it again if I did.

Longggg ago, when I was so much younger,
I've always dreamed of this guy whom I would want to marry.
You know, like a little self-fairytale.
And I used to write a list of the qualities my 'prince' would have down in diary.

There were silly things like these:
♥ At least 10cm taller than me
♥ Big hands
♥ Good-looking
♥ Well-built
♥ Strong
♥ Good sense of humour
♥ Responsible
♥ Smart/intelligent in life
♥ Down-to-earth
♥ Humble
♥ Easy-going
♥ Determined
♥ Able to give me advice/help me both physically and mentally when I need
♥ Loving
♥ Honest
♥ Romantic
♥ Faithful
♥ Loyal
♥ Accept me for who I am
(as in, not asking me to change any ridiculous thing that I'm not willing to)
♥ Constant
(so that we would still be holding hands when we are called 'ah gong' and 'ah ma'.

These are just the simple points.
The things I wrote down was so detailed I feel embarrassed posting them up here.
Also, I couldn't remember exactly what I wrote anyway.
I just recalled that it was about 3-4pages long,
just going on and on about my 'dream guy'.
And another 2-3pages about my 'dream wedding'.

Noone is perfect, I've always known that.
I am not saying that my 'prince' in my own little fairy tale is.
There must be things about him that I will not be so happy with.
BUT as long as the core values are intact, he is still, and always be my 'prince'.

As I grow up, I laughed at myself when I went back to read or think about it.
It was such a silly, or I would say, stupid to expect such person to exist in the world.

OR even if he exists, being available is impossible.
NOT even mentioning that person to be IN LOVE with ME.

I forgot all about it as time goes by.
I took what I've had and cherish those parts,
tried not to expect more, just to prevent disappointment to happen.
I've been hurt for times and times again,
I started building a very thick wall around myself,
so that noone could get in.
Not realizing that I couldn't get out too.

Now.
You walked into my life, with your widest smile.
And you changed my world.

Breaking down the wall leaves me a scar,
but now I'm free.

I am not keeping myself locked anymore.

I've found my 'prince'.
And I've loved him for who he is.
There is not a thing about him that I expect it any other way.
And he loves me too!
He loves me with all his heart.

And if I've made mistake about all these,
if he's ever gonna betray or hurt me in some day,
I would say 'Go ahead'.
I am no longer living in fear,
and it's all becos of him.

He has showed me what it's like to just be free,
what it's like to fully FEEL the happiness.

♥ Now, Jens, tell me,
how could I ever ask for more?
I have you now. :)

Back to Shanghai

2008-02-18T21:21:00.008+08:00

Pictures of Trang, Krabi and Maehongson are still pending,
mainly due to the fucking internet connections in China.
(Not enough time to take any photo of Chiangmai though.)

Yes, I'm back to Shanghai since V'day,
and I havn't had time to post up anything 'till now.
I tried to upload in some photos but it fucking failed everytime,
so yes, fuck it.

I've been having terrible terrible moods lately.
EMO. Ha ha ha.
And I don't wanna talk about that now,
there're just too many.

I've posted this once, and I wanna do so again.
♥ I WANT TO BE YOUR PHONE!!!!!

so that you can spend most of your time with me,
so that you can carry me all around everywhere you go,
so that wherever you go, you think of where I am,
so that you hear me the first thing every morning,
so that you touch me every night before going to sleep,
so that you can talk to me more often,
so that you can also laugh and smile so close to me more often,
and so that all you need with you is me.

See, told you I'm being emo lately.
Sometimes I'm so happy I feel like nothing else would matter.
Sometimes I'm so down I feel like crying with no specific reasons.
Sometimes I'm so upset with something that I know very well that it's only happening in my head.

I want more attention from you,
and I know that's not possible for now.
But! You still make me smile every time you look at me.

Soon. Soon.
There'll come a time when there's nothing else but just you and me.
Summer, may be? Hopefully.

♥ So now I just gotta worry about 2things:
school work and visa.

Happy Vday

2008-02-14T01:06:00.004+08:00

I am in Suvannabhumi airport, Royal Silk Class Lounge while typing this.
My fucking flight is delayed to 2.30am!! :(

I'm so sorry I've been lying about the dates for so long baby.
I thought I could actually surprise you with the gift I made as a present in this V'day.

A little personal calendar! :)

And I would want to break the record of being alone in every valentine too.
I don't need to celebrate it or recieving any gift.
I just want to hug and be with you.

I still can't imagine the look on your face later in the morning.
(flight is arriving at 7.25am shanghai time.)

-off to gate C7

2008-02-12T21:44:00.000+08:00

I took 582photos in 1week! :)
Ha ha ha.

I'm going to choose the nice ones and post it up when I have more time.

Anyway, it was the last day of the funeral today.
I looked at my grandma's body for the last time,
and I realised how important 'time' is,
and how much time I've wasted on parties and silly celebrations,
instead of spending it and just BE with family.

I'm not saying that I should stop partying and enjoy with friends.
I just think that whenever I'm home,
I'm going to make sure that they're happy with me,
and that they know that I am with them.

-rushing off

2008-02-11T15:57:00.000+08:00

another day in Maehongson.

I want to go home.

Endless Trips

2008-02-10T15:36:00.000+08:00

Gosh, so many things to say and I just don't have enough time for all of it today.
Here is a short recap and summary for now.
More details and photos will follow as soon as I have more time.

♥ Fri 1FEB
It was my christmas. :)
I said that 'cos it feels more like christmas than the passed lonely 25DEC.
And I've presents too!
From my Santa. :) hehe

♥ Sun 3FEB
Flight back to Bangkok.

♥ Tue 5FEB
Flight to Trang to visit my grandma (father's mother).

♥ Wed 6FEB
HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!
Hongbao na lai! :)

♥ Thu 7FEB
Short trip to Krabi,
but I've only been to the Petcharatara beach.
(Or whatever name that sounds like it.
I only know that it was long.)

♥ Fri 8FEB
Mom called while I was busy napping in the afternoon.
She was not in California, but already back in Maehongson for few days.
'Cos my grandma (mother's mother) was dying.
She was really sick and even the doctors couldn't do anything else anymore.

♥ Sat 9FEB
I got up at 5am to go to the usual temple in Trang.
Then head to airport to stand-by flight back to Bangkok.
Once reached Donmeaung, Bangkok, rushed to catch the flight to Chiangmai.
Mom called again.
This time she said that it was too late.
My grandma was gone, just about a minute ago.

Anyhow, I bought the ticket from Chiangmai to Maehongson.
Reached Maehongson at 17.15,
went to her funeral and helped out for a bit.

Upset, sad, guilty and lonely. :(

♥ Sun 10FEB
Out to town area of Maehongson to check my Emails.
And I'm so happy with your email.
It's the sweetest one.
I love and miss you so much.
I hope you like my valentine present for you. :)

More pictures

2008-01-31T15:23:00.000+08:00

CHINESE
When I come to think of my life when the new semester starts,
it upsets me.
My life is going to stink so bad 'cos of those subjects all in chinese!!

Can you imagine 'International Law' in fucking chinese?!

And it's not just a few subjects to do, it's about 30over!
30OVER SUBJECTS ALL IN FUCKING CHINESE!!

Noone can blame me for not graduating in 3years now.

Who the fuck invented Chinese characters in the first place?
And what's with all the complications!?
I think whoever that person is,
he went straight to hell afterlife for torturing thousands (or more) yound children who innocently tried to learn new language, even after his death of fuck knows how many years.
AGREE??

PICTURES
The sun is out today and no snow! YAY!
So I didn't wanna waste time staying in.
Getting myself ready for going out today.

Hmm, I think I'm going for my spa appointment today. :)

This is exactly what you called 'cam-whoring' right?! Ha ha.
Good.
I like that term.

And MORE.....

With Asa too! :)

PHONE
I was thinking about it since last night.
Sometimes I think I want to be your phone.
So that I can be next to you 24/7,
let you hold me so often in a day,
stay in your pocket wherever you go,
and be the first thing you touch every morning.

I think I'm going insane.
See, now I can even get jealous of a phone.

Very Long Post

2008-01-30T20:04:00.000+08:00

Anhui Trip

It has been cancelled,
after all the hustle extending the visa,
and so much of looking forward to Huangshan,
'cos of the fucking snow and so the road is blocked.

Disappointed.

I thought I could enjoy a few days with you before leaving for Bkk.
I thought I could steal you off from work for a few days.
But no, it's not happening now.

I love the time when you make me feel like there's nothing else in the world, just me.
When all we think about is just us,
not even food, sleep, work or anything else.
It's rare, I know.
And I'm not expecting to have that often.
Just.. you know.. once in a while.

It's been a while now.
I would give everything for those few short moments again.
You're here, right beside me,
and it's ridiculously funny how much I miss you.

I'm not upset, though.
Anyhow I'm still here beside you.
I'm happy with that even it's a busy-busy you.

I'm still greatful for having you to hug to sleep every night,
for you buying me Cornflakes and chocolates,
for seeing you smile, for laughing together,
and for hearing you tell me 'jeg elsker dig'. :)

I'm looking forward to our trips together to all over the world.
Russia, Egypt and wherever you would take me to.

So now I'm looking at you working hard,
and I just want to help. But how??

I'm going to help you by massaging you tonight.
For that may be the least I can do for you for now.

Shopping Sunday
The last Sunday(27th) has been a really happy day.
We were finally out, together.
The main purpose is actually just finding new warmer boots and shoes.

It's so mad fucking hard to get my size in China though (size39 or 40)
so we ended up in city area, Changle road.
And he bought a really cute skirt and a black dress with red belt for me as well!
(I still couldn't get over that matrix trinity coat.)

The important thing is not the things he bought for me.
It's the effort spent in getting my feet warm.
It's the time spent together laughing, talking and walking around.
And that was it that matters.

Snow
Today I was home (his home) watching The Godfather.
Half way through, I realised that it was snowing AGAIN!
(That was when I know that the Anhui trip is impossible, for now.)

Anyway, I cheered myself up by taking some nice pictures with Asa!
Ha ha ha ha.

Here are some of them ones.

The garden is so nice all of sudden! :)

I only managed to get a few nice pictures outside.
It was fucking freezing,
and I was just too lazy to put some more clothes on.

Mahatma Gandhi
A simple normal man who dedicated his whole life for the possiblity of justice and freedom for all Indians.
A simple normal man who fought for a kind of possibility that the world never had.
A simple normal man who stands for his belief in a face of NO agreement,
being the possibility where there is none.
And even if it was death that he was going to face,
his stand never changed.
One man who affected countries, moved and touched millions of people,
even up 'till today.

I just watched the movie last night.
Fucking hell!
IT'S AWESOME!

Have you ever thought about what makes greatness?
Or what is the difference between a great man like Gandhi and the rest of us?

The answer is A STAND for something.

You see, most people said they 'want' this and that,
and they never got it.
Then, they have very good reasons for not getting it.
And most of time those reasons are about anything everything else but themselves.

Look at how many good reasons Gandhi could have used for failing in those years.

It's sick to see how people limit themselves,
saying this and that is not possible 'cos of blahblahblah.
And at the fucking same time, saying that they WANT it.

Then again, it comes down to INTEGRITY.
It's human nature NOT to have integrity in life,
'cos we're designed to SURVIVE in this world.

But really, who has the say about how you want things in your life?
NOONE ELSE BUT YOURSELF.
Not God, not family, not friends, not the weather, not society, not authorities, not environment, NOTHING ELSE.

ALL IT TAKES FOR YOU TO GET WHATEVER YOU WANT IS YOUR STAND FOR IT.

Funny, though, to see that at the same time,
it's only YOU YOURSELF that's in a way of getting what YOU want.

Seriously, this movie is great.
Go find and watch it.

Djumi and Lil'meustifat

2008-01-29T15:30:00.000+08:00

Introducing our new family members:

♥Djumi (pronounced as joo-mee).
If you're wondering why sucha weird name, DO NOT ask me.
I'm not responsible for it.
It's a Danish name anyway.

Well, about Djumi?
He's a very kind, loyal, well-built,
handsome, cute, faithful, loving and smart mini pig.
He could also be a little sneaky,
so sometimes we may call him Sneadjumi or Chedjumi.
He loves his girlfriend so so so much!
And oh, he loves apples!

♥Lil'meustifat (pronounced as lit-tle-meu-s-ti-fat)
I'd like to make it very clear here first that there's no BIGmeustifat anywhere.
There's just this Lil'meustifat in the world and that's it.
Her name has been distorted from Lil'meustiful.

About her?
She's Djumi's girlfriend and proud to be one.
She's loyal, faithful, smart but very lazy, loving and beautiful.
She loves her boyfriend so so so much!
But she could think a little too much at times when Djumi's not around.
She's a little unpredictable at times too.
She likes to eat chocolate and whatever tasty food she could find.
(That's when the former name has been changed.)

Anyhow, welcome to the family both of you! :)

♥ Lovin' Shanghai life.

Pictures as promised

2008-01-29T15:11:00.000+08:00

These pictures are taken about 15mins ago.
Express entry innit? :)

Jens has an idea that Asa's eyesight is not so good.

So this is what he had done....

I think Asa couldn't be more thankful. Ha ha ha.

♥ I realised that I havn't been taking pictures of myself for quite sometime now.
And since it's been snowing for few days now,
it's a good opportunity to do it today when it's full of snow.

I will. I will. :)

The Revolution is Now.

2008-01-28T18:06:00.000+08:00

There are people who is now planning to conquer the world.
I never thought of that happening in reality, but IT'S HAPPENING RIGHT NOW.

And guess what, they're going to be successful!
if we continue being ignorant like this.

Open your mind to different sides of views,
find yourself a quiet corner where you can concentrate,
and FINISH WATCHING THIS MOVIE.

ZEITGEIST MOVIE.
http://zeitgeistmovie.com
or search in Youtube or Video.google.com of ZEITGEIST
if the video is not available in your country like mine (China).

More information on http://www.zeitgeist.com too.

Look at what the world is and is becoming.
Watch it from the view of "If this is true", and of course,
you can start doing your own research on it after that.

How is it gonna be for our children?
How is it gonna be for human beings?

We're ignoring the injustice in the world, by getting ourselves busy with all kinda of entertainment given to us today.

Or even those of you who've watched it,
what are you going to do to change it?

Think about it after watching.

All comments and opinions allow in TALKS.

"When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace." - Jimi Hendrix

Dogs

2008-01-25T19:17:00.000+08:00

I was home yesterday, after a few weeks at Jens'.
And FUCKING HELL!
It stinks BADLY!!!!!!!!!

Mainly due to Shaggy after stepping and roll onto his own shit.
I HATED MY HOME.
I WANTED TO GET OUT OF THERE ASAP.

I couldn't even sleep. My fucking heater was not working so well.
It was fucking cold!!! Arggg. And he's not around to cuddle me to sleep too! :(

Anyhow, I didn't want the dirty dogs inside the hall so I left them in the balcony.
They fucking make so much noise that the neighbors complained.
They called the police!

Policemen came over to separate them,
so Asa was inside the house since he's the cleaner one.
(Situation of unfairness begins. Ha ha)

Shaggy, though, was barking even louder, non-stop for hours.
I was so fucking irritated and you know what is, then, my way out?
IPOD!!! ha ha ha.

Well, then here came the trouble when 5chinese men came knocking on my door.
And once I opened it,
they were shouting and scolding me about that stupid stink dog barking.
According to them, the dogs had been barking for days and nights!
I didn't know what to do, so I was arguing with them.
It's like it's not like it was ME barking, right!!!
They asked me to at least lock that bastard in the room instead of balcony so to reduce the noise.

Pissed off, I let Shaggy in the house while I was packing my things to Jens'.
Tried to contact P'M (my roommate who luckily happened to be in back in Bangkok and didn't have to deal with all these shit) and Marcus (the owner of Shaggy who, also, happily back in Singapore) and Nora (Marcus' girlfriend, who, what the fuck now, happened to be in back in Hongkong.)

Since I had no consultant on this complicated issue,
Imran (in MSN) told me to just fuck it and just leave. Ha ha.

Luckily, Tommy (a friend of M, Marcus and Nora, a.k.a. a victim in this situation just like me) called and helped to contact Marcus to arrange to put Shaggy in some dog hotel instead.
THANK GOD FOR A FRIEND LIKE TOMMY (at least in that moment.)

Therefore, I tried putting Shaggy in the kitchen, he still barked.
Tried the bathroom, he almost destroyed the washing machine. (He's huge.)
But when I tried putting him in my roommate's room, after putting all the clothes and things away of cos, he was quiet!
So I left him there 'till I was done with the packing.

Once done, I decided to take Asa with me to Jens'.
It's gonna be better if Asa is not around when the police come breaking into my house and decided to kill the always-barking irritating stink dogs and sell them to some Ma-La restaurant for meat.
I mean, it's China, that could happen.

So I left, with Asa, to Jens'.
Forgetting the dog food and tiramisu ingredients. :(

Anyhow, Jens loves him, Asa I mean.
And I love him too, Jens I mean.
Weeeee. :)

I realised, only afterwards, that I forgot to let Shaggy out from my roommate's bedroom before I left.
Shhhhhhh. Ha ha ha ha ha.

The bright side is that if Shaggy was going to destroy things,
at least my roommate's room has lesser things to be destroyed than the hall.
The landlord is not going to be too happy about it!
And if the landlord isn't happy, who's gonna take the blame?! ME of cos.

I'm mad worried about the state of the house now.
I wanna just fucking kill the dog and throw it out of my place asap.
I know it's mean just thinking about it but heck! You gotta see how irritating he is.
Especially when the owner couldn't really give a shit.

I'm happy though that Asa is gonna be with Jens when noone's around.
At least I know that he's not gonna cause trouble,
or left alone at home, fed once a day by Ahyi who is too lazy to wash him properly.

p/s. I'm going to post some Asa and Jens pictures up soon! :) he he.

Back to Tiramisu, again

2008-01-24T17:02:00.000+08:00

I planned to do it today,
and I'm just too fucking lazy to move my arm vigorously now.
Plan postponed to further notice. :)

Anyhow, I'm here to post that,
Jens DID NOT finish my tiramisu,
even after giving me 3 out of 4 chef hats.
He gave the other half to Mats,
who finished it in a split second.

I was sort of upset a little.

And I just realised that there's Mascapone cheese in Tiramisu!!
He hates cheese. Ha ha.
But you finished half of the cup for me!!

Awwww.
Thank you sweets.
I promise I won't make anymore cheese stuff for you. :)

Tears

2008-01-21T19:13:00.000+08:00

Saturday 19th night:

I want to keep this post short.

I wouldn't say that I don't wanna remember it,

'cos although it's not a very happy moment,

it's still about us - our journey.

Finally I'm out with you to Gplus once again. It's Sikko and Jelmer last party night before they leave for Holland.

It's been awhile since we went out and had fun together.

(Staying home with you is happy too, though! I'm not complaining.)

I was overjoyed while dancing with you.

His Swedish customer, Daniel. He's HUGE!

BUT since I called Kelvin to get a table in Gplus,

he told me that the pair of sunglasses I nicked the earlier night belongs to his friend who's flying off the next day and I gotta go to return it.

So I delayed going over 'cos I wanted to be with you.

I, then, planned to go over for a little short while and be back to enjoy the rest of the night with you.

You agreed, so I left.

I texted you my whereabouts when I was there.

I tried to withdraw some cash as you wanted me to on my way back.

And I was back right on the time I said.

But you left. You were not there anymore.

No msg. No call.

Because you 'thought' that I didn't care,

and THAT was a big deal to me.

I felt guilt and yet, I know that I was doing my best to show you my feelings for you.

It could be possible that I havn't done enough or that you just didn't see.

You are the only one that makes me feel this way - whole and complete.

And I've been crazy about you since the first time I met you.

You ARE everything that I could ever ask for,

and the only person I can really trust.

The one that I can imagine myself smiling everyday with.

I know that I've never said all these things to you,

and there is a reason behind it,

which even I, myself, couldn't really understand clearly.

I was upset but I still want to see you.

And I didn't know what to do or say.

I've never imagined it to be this way.

I am thankful, though, that you didn't let me go home.

I was glad that you came back for me.

But still, I was upset.

I was upset with myself, with you and with the sunglasses and Kelvin and ipod and everything.

I was upset that the night had already ended,

and so as the good mood, the happiness and the fun we had earlier.

All gone. Disappeared in an hour.

I tried to be strong and hold up my tears.

I failed terribly.

I hugged you tight I didn't wanna let go.
For one moment, I thought I lost you,
which afterwards turned out to be true..
You told me that it was already over in your mind the moment I left.

I couldn't believe what I was hearing and so I asked you one more time.
I'm glad, though, that you told me the honest answer.

And that was it that you said.
But my mind was going fucking insane.
"Is it THAT easy for him, yea though it has just been 3mths?"
"If it's just because of this and he thought about not ever gonna see me again,
how much am I really mean to him, then?"
"It was over, in his mind. What the hell am I doing here? Waiting for him to throw me out of his life?"
And there were so much more horrifying thoughts.
I know it's silly, but I just couldn't help it!

And I am fucking scared, once again.

I thought I could get used to the situation of the end of a relationship.
I thought I learnt my lessons of trusting men.
And here comes a man whom I know he's special and different.
A man who happens to be everything I've ever dreamt of.
I promised to myself that as long as I know that he loves me,
I'll never let him go.

And if one day this should ever end,
I know that I'll be a totally different person,
living my life with smiles and happiness,
just the way you taught me to be.
And you will always be my special one.

As you've said,
"For you, I'm betting all. I don't care if one day I may look like a fool. And if I'd ever lose, I'm losing all. But it's alright. At least I know that I've bet all."

Likewise, sweets. :)

William Ng

2008-01-21T17:21:00.000+08:00

William was in Shanghai from Tue15th till Fri18th!
It's been so goddamn long since we last hangout.
And I miss those old times so much!

Anyhow, I brought him to all over:
People7, Attica, Xintiandi, Xinle/Changle Rd, The Bund, Chenghuamiao, Nanjing Rd, Barbarossa, People's park and People square, and of cos Babyface.

I'd love to write each day's details in here.
There's so much fun we had in these few days.
But well, it's been a week ago and I sort of mix the days up.

I know for sure on one thing though,
HE WAS FUCKING WASTED ON THE LAST NIGHT.
I have evidence too! Ha ha ha.

Almost didn't make it back to HK on time. :)
Don't blame me, Will, it's all your own fault.

I've known him for about 6years now.
Time flies.

But hey William, I promise that next trip will be even better,
when I'm financially prepared. Ha ha.

Take care now,
and I really hope to catch you up again somewhere soon!

The Moment

2008-01-15T17:24:00.000+08:00

And I did it today. Finally.
I said it.

I was half-awake and I saw you.
I looked at you and nothing could be as sure and clear than this.
I called you. You answered immediately.
And I said it.

There was a very short pause, about 2seconds.
It seems so fucking long.
And I realised that I was being afraid of whatever that's breaking through the silence.

And you said it too.
Followed by "have always been and always will".

I couldn't be happier. :)

Do you believe in love at first sight?
I don't.
I always thought that those men who told me that they love me from the first time they look at me wouldn't have said it if I weigh 120kg and short and black and have pimples all over my face.
Whenever I hear an affirmative answer to this question,
I would ask them why?!.
And so I asked you.
But you convinced me.
Somehow I feel that your answer is real,
and that you didn't care about how I look but who I really am.
And that's exactly what I've been looking for.

I came to think about the first time I saw you.
That first night at Gplus.....

I: Your friends are late, and this is so boring.

Immi: If he said he'll be here, he'll be here. Soon la Nan! Anyway, he's the coolest guy I've ever met. I think he might try to hit on you though.

I: Eww. Why?! But is he cute?
(thinking he gotta be one of those disgustingly horny Europeans.)

Immi: He's attractive though. A really nice friend.

I: Okay. Whatever then. Can't we just swallow half first? haha

*after 'half' was taken*
I was happily shaking my legs looking at the DJ,
and I heard Immi greeting his friends.
I turned around.
I saw you.

And I thought: Fuck!
(And I hope what Immi said earlier was true.)

But you didn't try to hit on me like most men would have done.
The most you did was just putting your arms around me while taking those pictures.
You even asked my permission to do it. :)

I smiled with my eyes closed, hugging you at the same time.

And I was so clear.

You're everything that I've ever wanted.
I mean it.

2008-01-09T22:09:00.000+08:00

She recieved his text msg while sitting in his chair in his office.
It says, "Im back :) x x x x x".
And she started to panic.

She called him immediately to find out where he was.
He told her that he would need to drop by the office to do a little work before leaving for the factory.
And for that moment, she felt a little disappointed that her well-planned surprise is not exactly how she wanted it to be.
Anyhow, she was very happy to just get to see and give him a big long hug,
and that was enough.

She had no other choice but to lie, when he asked her where she was.
She made up some story about Chinese writing exam paper and that she just got back home.
He didn't sound so happy with her not having time to meet, she thought,
but it'd all be okay soon. :)

She brought a little cup of Tiramisu she made for him,
and a little tray for his friends too.
She was happy to see that his friends finished it,
but afraid that he wouldn't.
She put in so much effort in that little cup.
She wanted to see his big smile.

And then she went to his place,
locked the door behind her,
head to his room and not forgetting to bring her boots with her as well.

And she sat on his bed, waiting patiently.
Half an hour passed and he was still nowhere to be seen.
She sent him a message that says, "I still miss you."
Her heart beat faster each minute,
and she started to imagine his reaction when he opened the door.

Forty-five minutes passed and she started to worry.
"What if he doesn't want to come home first and head straight to office?!", she thought.
And she thought of a billiant idea...

She called him again.
"Hi baby, are you home yet?"
"Soon. Why?", he replied.
And she was afraid that he would suspect a surprise.
So she said quickly, "Oh, 'cos I couldn't find my makeup kit anywhere. Could you please drop by the house and see if it's there? It's important."
He agreed.

She was waiting at his corridor, not so patiently now.
Her heart jumped everytime she saw a taxi turning in.

After fuck knows how many minutes,
there came a red taxi.
It turned right and stopped just below the building.
And she saw him!
He was little more tanned but still as amazing as he has always been.
She went back in the room and sat down, fixing her eyes on the closed door, waiting.
Her heart felt like it was trying to climb up to her head.
And all she was thinking about is him.
She didn't know that she was shivering.
She didn't know that she was smiling from ear to ear,
when she heard him opening the door and walking towards his room.

He opened the door.

The moment he saw her there,
he had the brightest eyes and the widest smile.
He hugged her so tightly.
She didn't mind him squeezing her even more.
She felt warm again.
She felt like home again.

And I'm sure you know that this story ends with the happiest ending possible,
like they kissed and all that. Ha ha ha.
:) I wouldn't waste time continuing now.

But she loves him, that's for sure.

Tiramisu

2008-01-08T04:34:00.000+08:00

Here is the process and the results.

Process:
Finding all the ingredients I need in China is nearly impossible!
Well, it is actually possible but I just have to make my way down town,
which is seriously fucking far.
I've been to, first, Carrefour, then, Yi Mai De, then, Metro and then, Wu Jiao Chang.
AND I STILL COULDN'T GET AMARETTO LIQUEUR & VANILLA EXTRACT!

I miss Singapore now.

Getting the rest that I've got is not easy too,
mainly due to my terrible chinese as well.
No one actually bothers to help me out in finding any of them.

I think I walked around Carrefour about 25times and Yi Mai De about 12times and Metro about 32times and Wu Jiao Chang about 11times.

Back home, a little frustrated and fucking freezing, start trying to make one.
I, now, hereby swear that electric mixer is the best invention in the whole world!
JUST THAT I DON'T FUCKING HAVE IT.

My right arm is officially paralyzed.

I'm going to try again tomorrow. :(

Results:
The thing about Tiramisu is that I have to wait for 8hrs before knowing the results.
AND after knowing, if it sucks, then I'll start doing them all over again,
which also means that my right arm is paralyzed again. How nice. :(

1st attempt: complete fucked.
The cake that is supposed to be soft in the middle is so fucking hard i can hardly chew it!
I put too much Mascapone cheese while mixing it with the heavy cream, too,
resulting in the specially hardened cream as well.
Grrr. I knew it! Miracles don't happen. :(

2nd attempt: better.
I finished it all myself, but I think it was too sweet.
He doesn't like it as sweet as I do.
So... try again.

3rd attempt: as good as it can get.
I think it's as good as a Tiramisu without vanilla extract and amaretto liqueur can get.

I HOPE he likes it. :)
That's all that's gonna matter.
If he just smiles after tasting it, I know that all these are worthwhile.

Okay, I know I do complain a lot about everything.
But cooking is seriously not a thing for me in the first place.
So, it is officially my very first time cooking or making a dessert for someone.
Therefore, be understandable in my annoying complaints okay, people!

-off to your place-
ps. I didn't take any picture of the outcome though, was in a rush.

Surprises Plan

2008-01-07T01:53:00.000+08:00

(Warning: A long romance post, again.)

Okay. I'm writing this 'cos I know that he's not reading.
He doesn't even know I have a blog.
I'm happier this way, being free to write whatever I want to.
BUT if he happened to know about it, which I'm 99.99999% sure that he doesn't,
this post is a horrible mistake.

However, I shall not concentrate on the 0.00001% possibility...

COOKING
It's not going to be a big surprise or anything like that.
I'm just trying to cook something.
But, as all my friends should have known how suck I am at cooking,
I can even fuck a simple fried egg up. Imagine that.

And... guess what I'm trying to make for him!
.
.
A TIRAMISU.
Aka the simple, yet, trickiest classic dessert of all time!

That's like, nearly impossible for me. :(
But anyhow, I'm going to give it a try.
I'm going to buy all the ingredients tomorrow and do it twice, first.
Logically, the third time is going to be better than the first right?!
Yeah well, unless I suck so bad that even 'improvement' doesn't want to associate with.

Or should I just make some easy chocolate chips cookies?
I don't even know which one is easier. Grr..

I'll figure it out.

HAIR
I've had a new hairdo!
First I cut them and it was too fucking short I feel awkward.

And so I decided that I want long hair,
so I went for hair extension the next day.
And this is my new hairstyle! :)

*feel free to comment your honest comments on hairstyles in TALKS*

WEIGHT
Okay, this one is not really a surprise for him.
It's more like a bonus. Ha ha.
I lost 2.5kg in 2weeks!
So I am now 52kg! :) Happy!

Come to really think of it, I don't really know how did that happen.
I wasn't hungry that often as when I was with him.
A meal a day. No snacking. Lesser Ferrero Rocher.

But seriously, I didn't get myself involve in any sort of exercise AT ALL.
Well, apart from walking my super hyperactive dog.
Does that even count as exercise?

I finally can look at myself in the mirror without feeling ashame of myself again.
:)

To those who're thinking "It's just 2kgs! What's the big deal!",
well, 2kgs make alot of difference for me.
All the weight I gained go to tummy and face and little bit on the legs,
so 2.5kgs off is pretty obvious, at least to me.

That also means improvement in self-esteem and self-confidence. :)
It's more like self-satisfaction than trying to do it to please anyone.
So yeah, it's sort of a big deal for me when I look at myself and feel inadequate,
especially when it's due to my very own irresponsibleness to my diet, health and body.

Anyhow, I'm preparing for weight gain when he's back though. :(
So yeah, this 52kg is not gonna last for long.
Better post it up as part of the good memory here now. :p

NAILS
I just went for manicure after quite a long time.
So I took a chance for french acrylic nails due to the lowest price I've ever seen.
This is one of the factors why I LOVE SHANGHAI so much! :)

I didn't take any picture of my nails,
but there's this particular picture that accidentally captures a glimpse of them.

This is after a simple nail art of black and gold for new year!

CLOTHES
I went to do some shopping for new different styles of clothes as well,
including all those vintage clothes I've never worn before.
And happened to pass by a really nice lingerie store.. hehe

This is definitely gonna be a surprise for sure.
No picture for this one though. :)

LIES
Okay. It's the first time I lied to him.
He's supposed to be back in Shanghai tomorrow,
and I know that he's really expecting to see me.
His house keys are with me as well.

BUT I made up story about final exams and early classes on wed and thurs,
so I can only have time to go over on fri,
and I may be going over to Jakarta over the weekend.

I assume he bought it.
He didn't reply my msg. ;)

And I'm going to be in his place, clean up some stuff,
and have tiramisu prepared to welcome him home on tomorrow morning! :)
----

Okay. Do you think it's enough to surprise him and keep him smiling for a few days,
despite his overloading work??? Hmm.

May be I should include massage as well. :)

You called last night while I was partying in Gplus.
We talked for the longest time ever! hehe.
I couldn't believe you put up with my bullshit for 2.5hours!
I never thought that you could ever be on the phone for more than an hour with me.
And yours was on roaming too.. I'm sorry Teerak.

But seriously now, you could see that even when I wasn't that conscious,
I still miss you and think about you every 1.7seconds. :)
And I was still keeping my new year resolution!

This one is you and Mats in Koh Chang you sent me.
I love this picture so much. I love seeing you being totally yourself.
That's the YOU that I've always been in love with - the happy fun smiling YOU.

I ♥ My Chealockimo and I miss Thailand. :)

Happy New Year of 2008!

2008-01-03T04:29:00.000+08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2008!!
Another new year, another new beginning. :)

It was simple for me though.
I went for hotpot dinner at Nora's,
together with Willster and his girlfriend, Marcus and Nora, Imran and his sister Sabia, Tommy and Antoine.
Then we went to Bar Rouge to meet Charinee, Ruth and co.

Immi and Tommy! :)

Willster loves kimchi. ;p

Nian and Immi.

We were counting down outdoor.
It was fucking freezing!! :(

Counting down was not so fun for me this year though.
It was pretty annoying seeing couples all around kissing and hugging wishing happy new year,
WHILE I'm standing there looking at the sky, waiting for them to be done with their kisses.

We head to Muse afterwards.
New year resolution: *No alcohol from the first 'till last second of this year!* (except wine)
Therefore I was totally sober and thus leading to a fucking boring night.

I miss you dearly and I wish you were here.
I was happy, though, when you called, a few times.
And you promised to take me to all the fantastic places in the world.
*as well as that 43,200 bet you owe me*
I know right then that 2008 is gonna be a great happy year. :)

I can barely wait to Europe trip in Summer with you.
Paris, Rome, Amsterdam, Vatican, Barcelona, London and of course, wherever you're bringing me in Denmark. :)
I ♥ My Chealockimo

Awaiting Your Return

2007-12-31T01:09:00.000+08:00

(Warning: Purely romance topic)

I've never experienced this,
feeling of missing someone so terribly badly almost every milli-second,
and yet, happy.
It has always been a suffering in any other cases.

So partly I'm glad that you're away,
it lets me know how special you are to me.
It lets me know that love is truly pure happiness.
Even my tears are.

There's so much I want to say to you,
about myself and how I feel.
There's so much I want to hear from you,
about what you've been doing and how you're feeling too.
It's funny sometimes I feel like you feel the same way.
But when we met, even online, I ran out of words to say.
I didn't know what to say or ask you,
so the conversation goes pretty slow,
and we were typing and deleting and typing and thinking and deleting before we click 'Enter'.
Oh well, I did, at least.
I was trying to comprehend and analyse the reason behind this.
Was it uncomfortableness or a rush of feelings?
Or may be a little of both. :)

You sent me pictures of yourself in Koh Chang for me today.
It lights up my mood.
And I realised that I was staring at the screen for almost 20mins,
looking at your every detail I could see.
(I'm sorry I ignored the little Thai kaka.)
For some reason, I felt you.
And even if I said 'I miss you so much.', it's an understatement, WAY under..

Let me try to express it in Chealockimo's language:
if missing you is the amount of tattoos a person could get,
I'll be Mr. Lucky Diamond Rich. (That is a real name, by the way.)
:D

And oh, you promised to cook my favourite Thai dishes for me when you're back!
Also the 43,200 bet, corrected after proper calculation by you.
(so that explains the title of this post :D)

I'm going to meet you in dreamland again tonight.

(And sort of missing Kaka too!)

♥ Shanghai has never been so cold.

Another Graffitis

2007-12-29T00:22:00.000+08:00

This new skin is perfect for my current mood; loved and happy.
:D

However, I don't have Archieves in my blog anymore!
How am I supposed to bring them back then?!
Hmm. Fuck it. I'm setting it to show 99days of posts. haha.

Today I'm showing off my beautiful graffitis I've drawn for Jens.
It's better than that one I posted earlier of Mt. Fuji.
Okay. Here is what I've drawn for him, so far.

First.

:) The most special 'patty' he had with me.

His favourite plant that hurt his butt before.

A little eskimo friend.

The star he gave me. It's mine now. :)

A male peacock. :)

All of them drawn using a pathetic mouse!
It's funny how I suck at drawing,
and it turns out fine only when it comes to doing it for him.

one more coming soon.

*I miss you.
I want Chealockimo-isses now. :(
Oh, I just can't imagine my February.

Best Christmas Summary

2007-12-25T23:35:00.000+08:00

Presents received this year:
- Zara black top
- Huge box of Ferrero Rocher
- Butterfly earrings & necklace
- The 2hours you spent on finding the right gift
- Special cereals as breakfast with honey
- Specially cooked Chealockimota
- Delicious roasted duck for dinner
- 550 Chealockimo-isses

and the best gift is you, wrapped up in christmas paper,
and hearing those words from you for the first time.

**on X'mas day.. 7.51pm
You - just arrived in Bangkok
I - Imran's corridor when my phone rang and happy tears fell.
And for the first time, too,
I have no more doubt in us, not at all.

I couldn't ask anything more in my life.
I have you now. :)

And congratulations to Wang Jian for his wedding! :)
It was actually last week but I just upload the pictures.
May both of you be together 'till the end, just like your vows.

Okay, enough of those romance stories.

Good news!
HSK Level3!! :D
I PASSED IT!!! wooohooo!

Planning to pamper myself a little,
but not by food though. :(

To-Do List for New Year
- Hair extension
- Acrylic nails manicure
- Pedicure
- Aroma oil massage

To-Buy List
- A pair of boots
- Bottoms (jeans and tights)
- New coat
- Black and white scarfs
- Cosmetics (eyeshadow brushes, blusher brush, concealer and foundation)

Merry Christmas!

2007-12-24T16:47:00.000+08:00

Wish all of you a merry merry x'mas!

I've had the best x'mas present I've ever recieved.
It was fully wrapped up. :D
I'm gonna wrap up your present well too!

Thank you, for being there and for everything else you gave me,
including the smiles and laughters you put them on me everyday.

Those words have not yet been said,
but they don't matter.

xxx
-off to help you cook x'mas eve dinner :)

ps. will upload the pics soon

A Month Or So?

2007-12-18T16:12:00.001+08:00

It's been a month and 2days.

Or I could also have said that it was 8days to 2months.

I've been smiling everyday since.

xxxx

Thank you for that.

Shenzhen Trip

2007-12-06T20:44:00.000+08:00

I was in Shenzhen on Monday (3/12) till Wednesday (5/12).
Planned to cross over to Hongkong but I was too fucked.

Monday morning: From Shanghai to Shenzhen airport and ride to Dong Men.
It took us all day to get back to Shenzhen.

Monday night was Eddie's new club, Chocolate, grand opening night.
Continued to Pete's place till almost noon,
then back to our hotel.
Totally hectic, like, seriously terribly hectic.

Tuesday: Hotel - "licking our wounds"

Wednesday: Hotel & Pete's place
Wednesday night: Back to Shanghai and passed out.

Monday night was the funniest night out I've had.
I'd never forget that quote by Pete:
*throw a plate away after licking it*
"Fuck off. This fucking plate is insulting my intelligence"
hahahaha*

To you.
And of cos, thank you for being the sweetest company.
Your lykkelige lille pige is really being pampered.
xxxxx

-off.

Late night

2007-11-30T05:20:00.001+08:00

I have just witnessed sunrise,
meaning that it is time for bed.

I was staying up all night thinking of all the random thoughts
(the earlier post has just some of it)

And I was trying to gather some pictures from the pizza day too.
But I'm only going to post one,
now that I have to go to dreamland asap.

Thank you!

Your lykkelige lille pige has been pampered recently.
xxxxx

-nights.

Inner random thoughts

2007-11-30T04:25:00.000+08:00

I'm thinking of some truths in lives.
Those that have been made up by agreement of man,
and those real solid truths.

Why is it so difficult for people to realise the truths about themselves?

Life is nothing - meaningless and empty.
Unless we create it.

So what shall I create my life today?

---***---

I used to hate naughty Mr.Emptiness Feeling that tries to sneak into my soul all the time.
I thought he was a sneaky little rat.
He always bring his wife along everytime he visits me - Mrs.Loneliness Feeling.

I used to hate them most of the time,
or were afraid of them, even.
They come without early notice or warning and never want to leave.

But I just realised that sometimes they can be pretty nice too,
only if I welcome and invite them to come for a little visit myself,
stop trying to hide from them,
took them as good old friends,
they can be a great couple to have a little tea party with.
:)

---***---

Don't you just hate the weight deep inside your heart,
like someone just put 10tons of stones in there?

The kind of feeling that happens all of sudden.
It could happen while you're sitting on a comfortable couch,
lying down on a warm bed, sipping a cup of coffee, walking your dog,
reading blogs, shampooing your hair, showering or bathing,
wearing your socks, listening to your ipod, etc.

It happens when you suddenly realise how many people you've once loved have been lost.
The worst is, deep down, you know that you were the cause of losing them,
although you tried to kill off the guilt by denying it.

It happens when you notice how time changes people.
When those whom you used to hug them with all the warmth you have,
just walk right pass you like you never existed.

It happens when you wish you could be as happy as how you remembered that you were.
And you know that it would never be the same again.

It happens when you are badly longing for someone whom you know will never be back.

It happens when you need an answer but you are afraid to face it.

It has been long since I last felt it,
but here it comes again.
This time I was prepared -
prepared to let it be and endure it.

It will soon be gone,
leaving nothing else behind but the presence.
And I am cherishing every moment.
These words are not being typed just to sound wise.

Humans are born to survive,
but I deny that.

I want to live.

HSK's over!

2007-11-26T22:23:00.000+08:00

I'm done with it (for now).
No more exam papers, assignments and classes for a short while.
It is a self-proclaimed holiday. haha*

Plans:
2Dec: Shenzhen to PARTY!
3Dec till Whenever I feel like: Hongkong!
:D

been forgeting so many things here and there.
and today i nicked Jens' house keys. haha*

been eating ALOT too! grrr.. pizzas pizzas

SPREAD THE WORDS:
MELROSE PIZZA IS THE BEST PIZZA IN SHANGHAI!
Add: 142 Lian Hua Nan Road, near Shang Zhong Xi Road
Tel: (021)34133313

hahaha*

So many things to talk about,
but I just have no time for it now!
I'm gonna be BUSY partying and all, you know.
Those are pretty important things to finish off.
;p

-laters.

Little note for myself: Nan! STOP being careless!

Bad Day

2007-11-20T21:07:00.000+08:00

It's been a pretty rough day.

I wouldn't state the details,

as I promised on the first post (Breaking the Blogging Virginity) that I won't post anything I don't want to remember here.

Let's talk about the good part of the day then.

1. I studied for 6hours today!

2. Asa found a RMB100 note while finding a place to take a shit!

Eh. I just realised there's no Asa's picture in here yet.

There you go.

Hmm.

I just noticed, too, that Asa is all in white whereas Kaka is all in black.

They are equally naughty, hyperactive, and LOVES attentions.

Monday Blues

2007-11-20T02:18:00.000+08:00

Nose bled twice yesterday.
Abit today.
:(

Monday Monday Blues please go away..
I only smiled once or twice in the whole damn day
1. when i read the first sms of the day
2. when i've received an EK ;)

Good night & Dream with a smile!

*turning in*

-off.

Special Weekend Part II

2007-11-18T22:39:00.000+08:00

Friday was the craziest party night..

Eats up my saturday too :(

- Attica (with Sanghoon and some Thais)

fucking boring shit.. so..

- G Plus (with Ava)

Met Kelvin & Richard there as well..

1DB was taken after 1CK then noone can stop me.. haha

- Continue to DKD underground till 5am

- Some 24/7 place esp. for "partying" that can no longer remember..

a lot more CK and KG, 'till 11am of saturday 'n still high~

- Lunch at Jens' (home-cooked food! :D)

- Sleep all day.... zZzz**

I was pretty messy. Ava too! haha

I've had a refreshing early morning on Sunday though :D

We wanted to take pictures of ourselves with Kaka nicely..

But he couldnt stop moving.. :(

So this is the best I could do.

It's sad.. but Kaka has gotta go :(

I don't wanna see anyone being sad here but yet I can't help feeling myself.

-off.

Love and Loyalty (N.J.)

Snap!

The Super Trips 2010

Edith Piaf-No Regrets

Back to Earth

Happy another new year :)

RELATIONSHIPs

My Kinda Quotes

CICATRIZ '09 collection

Crystals Shoes

Fashion Designing

People's Alliance for Democracy (PAD)

Reappearance

DENMARK

Karnchanaburi - Thailand

TRIPS and PLANS

Inviting a new author

Missing you..

**HUMAN RIGHTS IN THAILAND**

Thailand: Protect Opposition Rallies From Attack

Investigate Violence by Pro-Government Groups

Happy Birthday to me

Temptation.

Poverty

HOLIDAYS

Engagement

Yacht Club in Kunshan

To Yangshuo/Guilin

I've been gone

A Change of Blog Address

I know! but I still fucking hate it.

Oh Hongkong

Happy belated birthday to my love

6months

Fucking late at night

Quotes

Still counting

Mid-term coming up

Shanghai Taxi

A Fucking Long Wishlist

Tiesto Update

TIESTO's coming

BLANK

Ann Lim *again*

Oh Singapore

Sick Broke Ass

Sugar's Death Annoucement

Exam/Whisk/Guilt

Chocolate Sunday

Period

More Invisibility

busy/cloud9

New Semester

Invisible Ability

NEW: PHONE&BUNNY

Recalls

I Love You

Back to Shanghai

Happy Vday

Endless Trips

More pictures

Very Long Post

Djumi and Lil'meustifat

Pictures as promised

The Revolution is Now.

Dogs

Back to Tiramisu, again

Tears

William Ng

The Moment

Tiramisu

Surprises Plan

Happy New Year of 2008!

Awaiting Your Return

Another Graffitis

Best Christmas Summary

Merry Christmas!

A Month Or So?

Shenzhen Trip

Late night

HUMAN RIGHTS IN THAILAND

Ann Lim again